too much time alone
Sometimes, I just think.... I HATE men. They're only useful for one thing. They always leave.
I know that's not fair to say of all men. It's just been my experience. I had a 3 day weekend this weekend, and I guess that was just too much time to think about my most recent rejection experience last month. Logically, I know I am enough, am worthy of love, but dammit... rejection just SUCKS. The codependent in me wants to know why I wasn't good enough for him so it can change me to be what he wants so he won't go away. I just wanted him to stay!
I know exactly why I am codependent and exactly why I wanted this man so badly, but that doesn't take the pain of the rejection away. The pain subsides now and then, more often than not, but when it finds me, it makes me so sad.
I feel like there is a small part of me that is waiting for this guy to come back. Even if he does come back it won't be because he's realized I'm the one. It would just be because things didn't work out for him with his new gf, and he wants some action. I don't want that. But I still feel this need to prove to him what a great person I him. I want that feeling to go away. I know that is a codependent thing too.
I know this will all eventually pass. I've been here too many times and know the feelings too well to not know that they will go away, and I will feel better. I love myself enough to put in the work needed to learn to fully love myself and learn to feel that I am enough for ANYONE. Their lack of recognizing that doesn't make me any less wonderful of a person. I'm not mean. I'm not psycho. I'm not stupid or irresponsible. I'm just codependent. Everyone has SOMETHING a little wrong with them. No one is perfect. I just want to learn how to love myself as is, even the codependent tendencies, and learn how to let others see that I love myself and not that I'm focused on the parts of me I'm not so crazy about.
Glad I let all that out. I'm feeling a little better.
I know that's not fair to say of all men. It's just been my experience. I had a 3 day weekend this weekend, and I guess that was just too much time to think about my most recent rejection experience last month. Logically, I know I am enough, am worthy of love, but dammit... rejection just SUCKS. The codependent in me wants to know why I wasn't good enough for him so it can change me to be what he wants so he won't go away. I just wanted him to stay!
I know exactly why I am codependent and exactly why I wanted this man so badly, but that doesn't take the pain of the rejection away. The pain subsides now and then, more often than not, but when it finds me, it makes me so sad.
I feel like there is a small part of me that is waiting for this guy to come back. Even if he does come back it won't be because he's realized I'm the one. It would just be because things didn't work out for him with his new gf, and he wants some action. I don't want that. But I still feel this need to prove to him what a great person I him. I want that feeling to go away. I know that is a codependent thing too.
I know this will all eventually pass. I've been here too many times and know the feelings too well to not know that they will go away, and I will feel better. I love myself enough to put in the work needed to learn to fully love myself and learn to feel that I am enough for ANYONE. Their lack of recognizing that doesn't make me any less wonderful of a person. I'm not mean. I'm not psycho. I'm not stupid or irresponsible. I'm just codependent. Everyone has SOMETHING a little wrong with them. No one is perfect. I just want to learn how to love myself as is, even the codependent tendencies, and learn how to let others see that I love myself and not that I'm focused on the parts of me I'm not so crazy about.
Glad I let all that out. I'm feeling a little better.
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