Too much, Just too much
They want to send my mother home today because she is "plateau'd" on physical therapy at not at all. She is "self limiting" and will not put in the effort, according to them, and their failure to help her means that she has to go back to paying out of pocket $280 per day to stay there.
But how can she come home? I cannot do for her all the things that she needs done for her. She needs help with dressing and bathing and cannot walk more than a few feet.
I need to get her a wheelchair, and arrange for someone to come to the house to help her do the things that I cannot help her do.
I checked with "care.com", and there is a way to hire someone for 10 - 25 per hour to come by to help her with things like that, like helping her from the bed to the wheelchair and such, because if I do the heavy lifting on a daily basis, both of us could end up in the hospital.
So I cannot take her home until I can arrange these things, but I don't want to leave her there.
As usual, my brother is no help. He sits in his apartment and doesn't really seem to want to participate. He's left it all up to me, including arranging the VA stuff, which is very complicated.
And my car needs to go into the shop today, so that they can fix the heat. And the girl decided today that I had to give her a ride, because the 3 blocks to the bus stop was just too much for her.
To top all of it off, my older brother called yesterday, and the people that he is staying with are getting tired of him and he feels the need to get out of there, and was hinting (I think) for an invitation to come live here. An invitation which I cannot give.
He offered his help with the situation, but I know that he does not help with the situation, really, just adds to the problem. When my parents had their car accident in 1995 and we had to move their bedroom from the 2nd floor to the 1st floor in their home in Maine, he stood there while my younger brother and I were moving things around, and the only things that he actually did were things that he was told to do.
I did have 3 brothers, one older and two younger. The older and the youngest never did really learn how to be team players - never learned how to do things without being instructed. The youngest would stand there until ordered to do something and then do it, needing instruction for each step of the process, the older waits for the instruction, then argues with each step until the irritation level is so high that you want to just do the work without him.
I miss my youngest brother - not because he didn't argue, but because he was good company. He had a brilliant sense of humor, when he wasn't crazy, and we had similar interests. Quite often I see something that I wish I could share with him, even now, and he's been gone for 12 years now.
I miss my father, as well, and I'm going to miss my mother greatly. I believe that she's declining, and really don't want to be the one to see her go. I really fear that this is what I'm being set up for, however.
But how can she come home? I cannot do for her all the things that she needs done for her. She needs help with dressing and bathing and cannot walk more than a few feet.
I need to get her a wheelchair, and arrange for someone to come to the house to help her do the things that I cannot help her do.
I checked with "care.com", and there is a way to hire someone for 10 - 25 per hour to come by to help her with things like that, like helping her from the bed to the wheelchair and such, because if I do the heavy lifting on a daily basis, both of us could end up in the hospital.
So I cannot take her home until I can arrange these things, but I don't want to leave her there.
As usual, my brother is no help. He sits in his apartment and doesn't really seem to want to participate. He's left it all up to me, including arranging the VA stuff, which is very complicated.
And my car needs to go into the shop today, so that they can fix the heat. And the girl decided today that I had to give her a ride, because the 3 blocks to the bus stop was just too much for her.
To top all of it off, my older brother called yesterday, and the people that he is staying with are getting tired of him and he feels the need to get out of there, and was hinting (I think) for an invitation to come live here. An invitation which I cannot give.
He offered his help with the situation, but I know that he does not help with the situation, really, just adds to the problem. When my parents had their car accident in 1995 and we had to move their bedroom from the 2nd floor to the 1st floor in their home in Maine, he stood there while my younger brother and I were moving things around, and the only things that he actually did were things that he was told to do.
I did have 3 brothers, one older and two younger. The older and the youngest never did really learn how to be team players - never learned how to do things without being instructed. The youngest would stand there until ordered to do something and then do it, needing instruction for each step of the process, the older waits for the instruction, then argues with each step until the irritation level is so high that you want to just do the work without him.
I miss my youngest brother - not because he didn't argue, but because he was good company. He had a brilliant sense of humor, when he wasn't crazy, and we had similar interests. Quite often I see something that I wish I could share with him, even now, and he's been gone for 12 years now.
I miss my father, as well, and I'm going to miss my mother greatly. I believe that she's declining, and really don't want to be the one to see her go. I really fear that this is what I'm being set up for, however.
Replies
I feel for you. I was in a similar situation with my mother some years ago. I was fortunate enough to have someone to watch her while I was at work, but the rest of the time was me alone. My brother never once visited and my sister didn\'t think it would be fair to her tennis partner to cancel to take my mother to the emergency room after a fall while I was at work. The responsibility almost always falls to one sibling and it isn\'t fair.
I hope you can find strength in knowing that you are doing the right thing and that others know, as well. My best to you.
Thank you. I am hoping that my younger brother recovers from his illness and continues to participate in her care to some degree, but I\'m not going to count on it. I\'ve found an organization where I can hire people to come, and there is an adult day care around the corner I\'m going to go see about tomorrow. I\'ve also got a firm in mind to install a handicap ramp in the front so that it\'ll be easier to get her in and out.