Too much in my brain...need to empty

Today has been very pain filled and was an emotional roller coaster. My mother-in-law is bashing me and at the same time telling me I need her for when I have my worst days. My bro-in-law, who used to be my one of my best friends, busted into my home yesterday when only my kids were home and started looking for my pain meds. My kids called me of course so I hurried home and threw him out. All the while he was calling me all sorts of names and telling me that my illness is fake and I'm an addict! Who was looking for who's meds? My m-i-l and b-i-l have told my hubby that he's not part of the family anymore because he chose "my side". My poor hubby. He hates that I'm sick and in pain all the time and it hurts him to see me like this and now his family wants to just throw him aside. 
I talked to a friend tonight that I haven't really talked to in 16 years and surprise surprise she knows all about CM and SM. Her BFF in Cali has CM/SM and my friend learned as much as she could being that she was a nurse. I guess there is a time and place for all people and things in your life. She was in my life as a teen to teach me that regardless of what you promise your friends, if it can hurt them sometimes you need to tell someone. Now she's back to be the support that I need because I do feel all alone with this. We had a great convo and are planning a lunch date next week.
I hate this pain and nothing is seeming to touch it. I love being around positive people, they are uplifting to my soul. I love my hubby. I hate seeing him hurt. When he is home from work, I pretend that the pain isn't that bad and push through it with a smile so that he can smile. I love my kids. I hate when they don't listen and when they fight. I love my parents and my brother and sisters. I love their spouses and all of my nieces and nephews. I love my friends for accepting me and loving me for who I am including my disease/disorder or whatever you wanna call it. I love my husbands family even if they really don't love me. I hate that I have the ability and even the desire to hate. I love my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ, through them all things are possible. I love my church, my friends that attend with me, the things that I learn there. I love that after this life I will be made whole and perfect and I will no longer feel this pain. I love that I will be with my family forever. I hate that sometimes I feel like I am alone even when I am in a room full of people. I hate and love that life is never fair, can that be possible? I hate when I can't sleep. I hate when I drop things and cannot control my hands. I love that I can still use them even if they are super slow compared to what they used to be. I hate my house being untidy. I love that I don't have to clean all the time. I love that my hubby does love me and that he is my best friend. I love that I'm alive to experience all that I have and that I will. I hate that I have thoughts that I won't get to experience everything that I want to experience or at least not fully. I hate when I hear that people I love are going through hard times too. I love my fur-kids. They make me so happy but so crazy sometimes. I love my friend Caiti that lives with our family and helps me out when I need it and she thinks we are helping her. I hate that she sees me at my worst. I love that I am able to vent all of this without people judging or giving m a hard time. I love that I have a great support group.