too much crying

i've done way too much crying today.  crying about a relationship that was only a relationship in my head.  it's just so hard for me to accept that he cared NOTHING about me. it's hard to accept that he is with someone else that he considers more suitable for himself than i am.  it's hard to accept that i allowed someone that just used me for my body in my life over and over and over.  today i am hurting, deeply.  when will i forgive myself?