Too Much
OK, life is way too much right now. I really think I'd like the world to stop so I can get off. For every move forward I'm taking way too many backwards.
I've found out that I do have the start of a moderate cataract in my left eye so will be proceeding with cataract surgery. I've got a lot of paperwork that needs to be filled out so I'm seeing my family dr on Friday afternoon. The sooner this end of is done the sooner I can get a surgery date. Am told we'll be looking at abt 8 months. So afterwards that will kind of alter life for a bit. But my main thought-HELL0 I'M A CAREGIVER AT HOME. How in the BLIP BLIP am I supposed to make this work, yikes!!!!!
Finally got that ongoing wound/thing on my left ear checked out & biopsied. Got something in the mail today. I'll be having some kind of surgery to remove it. It's called MOHS treatment. This is used for skin cancer which is what I guess it is. I'M SO CONFUSED, HEAD IS SWIMING. It's a procedure where they remove it layer by layer I think, then you wait while they analyize it & maybe remove another layer & on & on. I'll be at the clinic the better part of the day, fr abt 9:00 a.m. to mid afternoon. OKEY DOKEY, again, how do I make caregiving duties fit into this picture.
Can I just sit down & cry right abt now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hubby was having problems again & is just finishing another round of antibiotics. I really don't know whats what in this corner of life. Duri.ng one of his negative moments I finally just said that I don't know what more I can do or what I can say. I tried to reinforce that you just have to keep on keeping on.
It's hard when I've got to be the one who carries the family & I could do with someone to carry me in life for a bit.
I want everyone to know that I know I get way too absent here but please please know it's not intentional. I just have days where there is not enough of me to go around & my brain is too tired for the computer. I do so think of everyone on & off throughout the day. I'm trying my best, truly I am.
Thanks so much everyone. I do so look forward to your thoughts.
Replies
Oh big giant hugs my dear friend!!!!!! I can so relate to this. Here are a few thoughts that SAVED and hopefully will help you too. I know you are frustrated and it is hard to see things as you might otherwise see them. Been there too, so many times, lol.
1. you are doing a great job! No one can do everything or be everywhere but you are doing your best and then some and that's all anyone can ask. God will pick up the rest! He always does.
2. I know it is cliche, but so very true: try to take things one minute at a time. That helps for the care receiver too. When that work, we can stretch it to an hour and so on. Breathing in God's presence and breathing out my negativity/worry/whatever helps so much.
3. Yes, you can cry any old time. Even Jesus did that. If I could, I'd cry right along with you. Just try to refocus on God's presence/calmness/joy when you are done. : )
4. I've had some family members with the skin cancer procedure and at first it may sound alarming, but in the end, it seemed like no big deal to them. And truly, once it healed you couldn't even see where it was with the normal eye. Can you ask for something to help with anxiety (like xanax that wears off by the time you have to drive home?) I pray that it goes well, heals quickly and turns out to be a short procedure. Amen!
5. About the cataract surgery. How does it work in your country to get home health in to help out, just for a while? Here, you can usually qualify, if you do the paperwork early enough, to get home help for all sorts of things from an hour 3 days a week to much more than that. Your doctor, or your hubby's doc should be able to tell you who to call for that. Here, a social worker person oversees each overnight stay patient and troubleshoots for things like that and arranges for care to fill the gaps. I pray that this need will be filled in God's way. God truly has a plan for this. When we turn it over and watch the problem from afar, knowing that God is carrying it, and we stay plugged in, as an observer in prayer, of sorts, it is amazing how things work out.
I am praying that for you. Amen!
6. The friends I've known to have cataract surgery seem to have the same result as the others... they seem to get back to normal fairly quickly, which seems to surprise me. So, with a little help, hopefully it will end up being easier than expected.
7. This too shall pass. Distractions can help for the negative moments. Comedy shows worked wonders for me to give my anxiety brain a break every evening. Listening to loud but very soothing music or favorite books or sermons on tape might or doing 3part yoga breathing can help distract hubby from discomfort or problems when nothing else seems to work.
Don't worry about us, we just like to know how you are doing when you have time, but we know you have your hands full with life right now.
I'm praying for you often and sending you love and hugs. xoxo, m
Hi Kitty, I get what you're saying and my first thought is for you to see if YOU CAN GET HELP so you're not carrying it all! Don't get burned out, there have to be agencies and support, even small things (running errands, getting groceries, etc.) that can help you manage your world?
I know you don't come to DS often BUT maybe you should, make it daily, 5 minutes, journal about your day, your thoughts, VENT, that it won't get so big and explode. Just an idea. My parents both had cataract surgeries, in their 80's and said it was amazingly good and recovery was easy and you get HD vision too!
You're tired and frustrated, you're needing a break. What can you do to recharge? Just get away for a couple of hours? Call a friend for coffee? Any thoughts here? So, listen, we are here when you need us, send a message when you journal, we'll come right away. Life is a rollercoaster for sure, you'll come out fine, you're super strong and great and loving and thoughtful. Remember that, k? Hugx