tonight's little drama

Seems like everything I write on here lately is so fucked up I don't even know how to keep up.
My beloved is very depressed these past two days. Sleeping alot. He has lots of issues too in his past but is not particularly self aware and may never deal with them. He's alright most of the time, but sometimes he is immobile. Tonight he's curled up in bed so early. I curled up behind him until i started to feel really bad so I kissed him and came out of the bedroom. He'll be better in a few days.I can't solve him.
I'm just writing because I had such a weird feeling in there with him which, of course, has exactly nothing to do with him or our relationship, which is healthy and good. It was that I was holding onto something that was not responding to me. It made me cry... I have this same feeling when I see children on the TV who are trying to hold on... or once I saw a terrible experiment in a magazine where they took baby monkeys away from their mothers and gave them a surrogate rag  doll. Occasionally, when the monkey hugged the rag doll, it would emit an electric shock. God, I'm bawling like a baby, just like I did for days after I saw this article. They did it to see if the monkey would grow up all fucked up. Well I guess it did.
I don't know why the baby monkey with the rag doll in a medical room makes me insane with grief. Someone not getting what they need.
Maybe I should have talks with the monkey instead of the child.
I'm screaming crying tonight. The poor monkey. The poor sad monkey.