Tonight's GA meeting
For whatever reason, tonight was a great meeting. I saw a young guy that used to be at my Monday night mtgs when I went to GA the first go round. C was pretty new to GA at the time - he was so young to be battling a gambling and alcohol addiction and he had a young child. Then I found out he worked at a casino. I lived in Louisiana when my addiction first started back in 2002. Fortunately, I moved to Arkansas before it got bad. It subsided for 9 years before I relocated to stupid Nevada. Anyway, in Louisiana workers couldn't gamble at the casino they worked in. Here in Nevada, it is a free for all - they will gladly take back all the hard earned money you make - so basically you work for free for them. It is a damn shame. They have no morals. I call it the casino mafia! Anyway, after I quit GA in September of 2013 for various reasons, I was working my own program - controlled gambling. I saw C at his job when I visited the casino to have a steak dinner with my husband. I wanted to talk to him about why I left GA and let him know I was okay, etc etc, but alas you cannot break the anonymity of GA. So I just smiled and let him do his job being our server at dinner. Upon returning to GA this time, I decided to not go to the two mtgs I chose before (the GA101 and 12-step) I was so gung-ho that I thought those 2 mtgs were the best way to "fix" myself fast. Go to the ones where you learn and work the steps. It was so much and I wanted to so badly get the "time" like everyone else that the pressure to be the best was too much. I quit. I now realize this isn't a competition and I will work the steps when the time is right. So I go to one or two topic meetings a week. I try hard for two meetings, but one is on Friday at 4:30 and I always have to come up with lame reasons for leaving work early on Friday, which of course is suspicious. My direct supervisor, who happens to be a close friend and also transferred from Arkansas with me, knows of my problem and that I attend the meeting covers when he can. So having that support is great! Anyway, tonight I saw a few people who I haven't see since I started coming back and they were very welcoming - they just happened to be at the Tuesday night meeting. It was great and we had great conversation. There was also a guy who made his 60 days, so that was awesome. As of April 15 when I started going again, I had 11 days until I went for no reason on the 27th. I can't explain why, but I decided that was messed up. I haven't been since and now I am at 16 days - the longest I have gone in months! I take it one day at a time, but when I hit 30 days it will feel like a year! I am feeling accomplished and happier these days!
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