Tonight I told her she can no longer be alone

 
It's been a long time since I've been on the site, and I need to get back to it. If nothing more than just writing, even if no one else ever reads it, it helps to get out.
My wife is started going downhill really rapidly in the last two years … That's two years that scared me to death and caused me to really lose my way. I'm an adult child of alcoholic parents ,and then poses challenges for me in reaching out for help from other people. people like me tend to try and do it all alone.
Over these last two years, because of failing mental capabilities from a nonfunctional lliver, my wife has lost all of her close friends. That was very hard for her, and she was unwilling to reach out to any , I became her sole support . Now it fell to me to do everything.
She doesn't want to face the fact that is getting close to the end of the road and up until this morning I didn’t wanna face it myself. My fear of losing her, in the position I found myself in being her physical caregiver and her sole emotional support, had me losing my mind . I didn't know how to deal with it and all I did was get angry with her , anger she didn't deserve because she was lost, as lost as I.
It finally got bad enough that I overcame my inability to reach out to people that could help me cope with the situation. There was one person who is very close to both of us left. My wife's best friend of 15 years ago who had moved to Florida. I ran into her on Facebook one day and started chatting, admitting that I no longer knew what was real.. That I needed her help in telling me if what I thought I was seeing with my wife was true or not. Or if it was just me.
I flew her out from Florida, she had planned to stay 15 days, she wound up staying 30. For 20 of those 30 days I stayed away from the house. I needed to see my wife without me around, I knew my anger was affecting her and quite honestly after two years of doing everything alone I needed a break. And our friend need to see her without my negative influence.
Our friend help me get past the anger and get in touch with my fear and my sadness, I had been in the middle of the grieving process for the little bits of my wife I had been losing allthese years. And everything I had given up that I love to help her.
I knew it was time to get outside help in the form of family or an in-home nurse or hospice even, but I had no idea how to go about it. I have family coming to stay with us, while I figure out how to get an in-house nurse or whether it truly is time for hospice.
Tonight I spent a good two hours telling her where she was atand where I was at, and that I could no longer do everything all by myself. If I kept trying I die from the stress of it. Or some other insane reason. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it let me explain to her why I've been so mad. That the anger was really sadness and my fear that the love of my life was coming to the end of her journey.
I didn't think she would but she heard me, she's relieved to understand the anger, yet sad to realize that she can no longer be left alone. That she is no longer capable of making even the simplest decisions, or safe to be by herself.