Tomorrow is the day...

I can not believe that April is almost here and my only IVF journey begins tomorrow. I have to go in for cycle monitoring and in the evening they will let me know what to do for my doseages. I am so nervous that I am going to do this wrong. I keep telling myself that this is only a science project and at the end of the month it will be done. After that there is no turning back. IF we get pregnant great...then the worry begins about having a healthy baby and avoiding a miscarriage. If it does not begin, we will wait a week and then call up our adoption practicioner to finish our applications.Yesterday I realized that I am enjoying the life that I have...I do not mean that I do not want kids, but rather I am so scared about raising them right. I have spent four years obsessing about having kids, that I forgot to really enjoy being married and just living in the silence. I came to this startling revelation the other day when I visited my friend who just had a baby. I watched all the kids running around and for the first time I did not feel jealous. I do not feel like I belong to that world of mini vans, throw up, changing diapers, watching my language etc... yet I seem happy not wanting it anymore.I guess the drugs are out of system, however tomorrow they go back in. I am going to try to stay calm and alkaine my body. If it takes wonderful, if not, it is not the end of the world. I wish to thank all of you for your support. Your stories gave me hope when I was at the darkess moments of my life. Your successes allow me to move on. Thanks for sharing, caring and listening.