Told him I'm planning my exit
I never responded to him last night. He emailed me today twice. First saying "hey" then "are you alright? Worried about you"
I responded:
"Don't be worried about me. I'm good- stronger than I have been in a long time. Which is why I'm planning my exit but you don't want to hear about that because as you said before....."for future reference don't tell the person you're leaving until you are actually ready to leave." Or something like that. And it's very difficult to not talk to you about that because I talk to you about everything but as you've said.....you can't let me go. So it's up to me. And I'm so sorry I can't just quit cold turkey and end it now and put us both out of this.....but I can't. You are one of my best friends and that will change because we can't just be friends. So we'll have to end contact all together. And I'm not ready for that yet.
I'm a little bit worried about you. I've been dealing with a broken heart for years. You really haven't had to deal with the reality of losing me since you actually did the first time- for a whole 3 months. I realize that my feelings for you are stronger but I have filled some kind of void for you for almost 13 years now and I think we will both be grieving when that time comes.
Yes it would be a nice night to use my balcony. I'm anxious to get out there and plant flowers but I don't know when it will actually be Spring."
I'm not sure how he'll respond. He doesn't show his emotions easily.
But I am feeling strong. And I do know that I deserve better. I do. I'm making a plan.
It's been 2 weeks and by the time I see him it will be at least 3 weeks....so then maybe the next time 4 weeks, and so on....until I phase him out completely. During that time I'll continue to focus on me. It's an addiction but i can't quit cold turkey. At least I'm trying.
I responded:
"Don't be worried about me. I'm good- stronger than I have been in a long time. Which is why I'm planning my exit but you don't want to hear about that because as you said before....."for future reference don't tell the person you're leaving until you are actually ready to leave." Or something like that. And it's very difficult to not talk to you about that because I talk to you about everything but as you've said.....you can't let me go. So it's up to me. And I'm so sorry I can't just quit cold turkey and end it now and put us both out of this.....but I can't. You are one of my best friends and that will change because we can't just be friends. So we'll have to end contact all together. And I'm not ready for that yet.
I'm a little bit worried about you. I've been dealing with a broken heart for years. You really haven't had to deal with the reality of losing me since you actually did the first time- for a whole 3 months. I realize that my feelings for you are stronger but I have filled some kind of void for you for almost 13 years now and I think we will both be grieving when that time comes.
Yes it would be a nice night to use my balcony. I'm anxious to get out there and plant flowers but I don't know when it will actually be Spring."
I'm not sure how he'll respond. He doesn't show his emotions easily.
But I am feeling strong. And I do know that I deserve better. I do. I'm making a plan.
It's been 2 weeks and by the time I see him it will be at least 3 weeks....so then maybe the next time 4 weeks, and so on....until I phase him out completely. During that time I'll continue to focus on me. It's an addiction but i can't quit cold turkey. At least I'm trying.
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