Todays Thoughts!

OMG, I can't go on with this chronic pain, its really driving me insane, every morning I awake to day break, this chronic pain ligers into me, is horrible, these doctors are ass'es, my husband contributes to this by caussing me severe deprssion, anxiety, stress, and the likes. My sugar is probably rocketing sky high, my ears are always blocked, never getting a good nights sleep, the boys don't really nap any more, their so clingy, and whinney, not when their alone, but when their with each other. Battling all these enemys with in my self, I just want to be free of all this shit already. I can't deal and cope with the exsessive bull shit. I think of a wonderful cartoon one who I consider to be my bestest friends sent to me, "HOW THE CROSS WAS TO HEAVY TO CARRY" God and my cross is so darn heavy but if I cut it I know I will never cross the bridge into eternity, the eternity I truly believe is "HEAVEN", for EARTH IS HELL. I have not heard from him, and I know it will just be a darn nasty curse out letter if I do. I try not to think about him, God is that a real test of the heart set on fire by what he did. My kid decided to be nice for a day, so thats a plus, it does not last, she set up a 3 day vacation in Wildwood NJ, so I'm hoping she does not back out of that, it was a family tradition, and I just go to more or less people, and seagull watch on the boardwalk. Have a favorite game room/casino there, you get tickets that you can get some thing or you can save them through the years. Don't go to the beach, way to far to walk to get to the ocean, and besides I wouldn't go swimming in the ocean any longer, I just don't have the strength. Hope the boys get me some sea-shells. I'm so dar sleepy, if I could just get a cat nap daily I would be ok. But thats impossible. Well good-bye journal, see you again if God allows.                                                                                     Just Me!