Today's Stressors
Today, I feel a little irrational. I feel irrational over all. Some of the stress is valid stress, but other parts are not so much, and mostly me stressing myself out for no real reason. I mean so what that someone else is doing my job as if it is his. I mean I get paid as long as I am here, so who cares really. But I hate sitting here with nothing to do, and still having someone else do my job. But that is just one part, I wish the one who does keep doing my job would do his job instead, and get more sales so that I could continue to do the rest of my job...and that the owner would actually be in the office to tell him not to do my job...but that will not change, and in fact if the owner were here, he would try to do my job as well. Which overall, should be fine, and only real reason that it is not is because it makes me feel like I am not capable. Which is not true, and no matter how many times I tell myself that them doing my job for me is not the same as them telling me I am not capable, I cannot help but feel like I am not capable. This is the irrational portion of how I feel today...
Some of the other reasons that I am bothered is because my friend wants us to move in, but won't let go of any of her things. She is about to go into assisted living, and is just not understanding that her basically 3 bedrooms and a basement house full of things is going to go down to if she is lucky a one bedroom apartment, but most likely a studio apartment. She doesn't want to get rid of anything, and the only way that we can move in is by cleaning out her house. Honestly, it is going to be easier waiting until she is moved out for us to move in (not to mention that it will be easier to clean.) I am also stressed out by some of the things that she has told my husband about my ex. It kind of reminds me that he knows nothing of either my time with my ex, or even my time living with my friend. Which are some of the reasons that I don't necessarily want to move in with her. She was not very welcoming to my now 12 year old when he was the same age as one of my children is now.
Replies
Today sucks. I am very annoyed. I feel very selfless, but I want to be selfish. I want a fight because I feel like my husband is not doing as much as I am with our family. But I also know that it is really hard to do things with both children always around, so I can't get very upset. I am annoyed because he is kind of self-serving and would rather do anything else besides clean our house, and I completely understand not wanting to clean our friend's.
I feel like I get in trouble for all of the things that he won't do, and all of the things that his friend is responsible for. I feel like I get anger taken out on me like it is my fault that the stove isn't clean and the counters aren't either, and I am angry because rather than cleaning the counters and stove he would rather rearrange the bedroom.
And what's worse is that the way I feel because of home is coming out at work. I am annoyed that a subcontractor who is not working for us today, is in our backroom using a sander, but I am annoyed because I know he won't clean up after himself, which will mean that I shouldn't be back there for my stuff...
But I guess enough complaining today. I need to go clean the backroom so that I can pump, and see if anyone else is going to help me out with anything today or see if I can work around everyone else.