Today , Year Number Four, not any easier.

All I can say is "Thank You."I come here to to cry and remember and cry some more and I always find my friends waiting patiently for me to tell me how much they care for me and that they are thinking of me on this day of all the days in the year. I am so emotionally moved I cannot speak to Wayne to tell him, he has to read what I have written. I have had several moments today like this today, in the doctors office we were waiting to be called, all was silent and I was remembering how MayLyn was such a funny little girl when she was sick. She would put her arms out and say "hold me Momma" and when I would hold her she would push me from her and say "don't touch me!" It would make me laugh and of course that wouldn't make her happy either. But I digress, back to the doctor's office, sitting there with Wayne, I was doing really well, no meltdowns, no tears yet, although it was only 9 am, then it happened, our last song we shared together came over the office radio (Three Doors Down, I'm Here Without You Babe). Wayne turned his head to me and said, "Looks like someone is saying hello," and yep, I fell apart, just then the door opened and the nurse called my name. I had to walk away and I had to hear all the words to the song. The nurse forgave me, of course I knew she would although at the time I had no idea she even knew what was up. My loving husband had preceeded me with words of wisdom to the staff at the office. All this time I thought I was doing so  well, I guess I wasn't, but I was doing better than last year eh?We all know that this day has to come throughout the year, it's different but the same for each of us. I am blessed to have you all and I hope you feel the same about me. I love you and I cherish that we have become good friends over the years. Thank you for being there for me. My Dear MayLyn,We have all grown sort of quiet over the past four years, each of us learning how to deal with the loss of "you."Hunter is a great student, he reminds me of you when it comes to his studies, very quick and energetic. He keeps an eye on his big sister and he loves to play with his cousins non-stop. Angelina and him are inseperatable. They climb trees, run races, pick flowers, plant flowers, laugh , cry and love each other so much. Of course Kyrina must think that Hunter is funny looking because she laughs out loud everytime he gets near her.Tina is so beautiful, she looks like you, an actual "mini you" so to speak. She has your eyes and your mannerisms. She is very tall and slender and she loves to write, color, play dress up, go shopping, go to dinner and she really loves me. We have a bond that would never have exsisted if it had not been for your passing. I guess that could go without saying.Daddy still cries, I hear him occasionally but he doesn't know that I hear him.  He has a wonderful relationship with both of your babies. They adore him as I do and as you did.Alexsis, now here is someone to be blown away with. She watches after all the babies while we work hard to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. She washes their clothes, cooks for them and loves them like you do. She is very careful to preserve your memory with them, talking to them about everything about you, all that she remembers, and we now have almost all of your pictures saved. Kerry Waller called today and yes for the fourth year in a row someone from your past has called at precisely the exact date to tell us that they had found some new (rather old) pictures of you and will be sending them to us soon. I am amazed at how you reach out to us. Don't stop doing that, we need it and we love it. It reminds us daily that you are always around us at all times.I miss our talks and I always will. I have no-one to talk to like I had you. Alexsis is close to me but in a different way.We will always be friends but I think maybe I am to hard on her when it comes to the kids. Her ADD gets in the way sometimes and it worries me. I am very grateful for her and I know she feels the same about all of us. Sherry called the other day and she is going to drive all the way here to pick up your Tina and take her to her farm for a weekend. I could never say no to Sherry. She misses you terribly too. She lost her best friend and so did I. I end today blowing a kiss goodbye to another year flown by. It is so hard for me to deal with everything all at once, so once again I choose to deal with things one issue at a time.All my love always Sweetheart,Love, Momma XXXOOO