Today was great but tonight is hard

I think i have ruined my husbands life. I think deep down inside he resents me. You see he is gay, and yes i am a girl. He married me because were best friends and have a baby. Sometimes i wish he would find what really makes him happy. I feel just waeful. When you know someone loves you and you love them it hurts when they hurt. I have a baby and she is my world. she makes everyday worth it. Had i not had her i would not be alive. I wish i were thin. I wish i were a man. I wish i didnt make my husband suffer so much. He loves me but i know he does not want this life. He told me tonight somthig that broke my heart. that he doesnt have thoughts or opinions anymore. he told me his life just revolves around making me and my daughter happy. It was a stab to the heart. his birthday would be so much better with a man but he chose me. and still my heart aches because i could never be that special someone. the only thing i can do is be the best friend and the best mom i can. I think my life...

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweetheart, you are doing EVERYTHING you are supposed to be doing. Being a best friend to your husband, and the best mom to your baby. What a wonderful wife and mama you are. The only thing missing is being a best friend to YOURSELF.

Don\'t be so hard on yourself. You said it, you love each other, and he did choose you. Do you know how precious that is in life?

I hear what you are saying, and I do understand. I just think you are selling yourself short. Be kind to yourself. Love, MK.
myrachie
myrachie

thank you so much
deleted_user
deleted_user

I know what u are going through...u see, my ex-husband is gay and we too had a baby together. You cannot be something u are not... and that is a man. If u are willing to just live as best friends, then all the power to you my dear. It was too much for me to bear...as i started to blame myself for his unhappiness in life. You are right. He \"chose\" you...but if he changes his mind and cannot be the husband you need, that is not your fault honey. He has to make his own choices in life too... he may decide he cannot live up to your expectations of a husband but that is not your fault. It isn\'t because you are fat or depressed or anything else. It is because he is gay and that is what will make him happy. Unfortunately, it will probably rip your heart out like it did mine. I hope not. I wish you the very best. Be strong dear...and just be who you are...a great mother and a great friend. I\'m here if you want someone who knows what you are going through to talk to. (((HUGS)))
myrachie
myrachie

Thanks...surprisingly i dont think it would tear me apart. I just dont wanna ryin anyones life
deleted_user
deleted_user

you are not ruining his life. These are his choices to make and unfortunately, he must make them himself for what is right for him. you are both so young and have plenty of time to work this out.