Today sucks big dick. And it's not even mine. Fuck life right now.

Today has been horrible. Why do women just say anything and expect us to just figure it out. I'm not talking about the normal bullshit. I'm talking about a bipolar woman who hasn't had her medicine in over a month because we cant afford it because some narcissistic fucking ****** had to throw his fit for an hour and half before I even said anything with multiple supervisors agreeing with me just to fire me because narcissistic cock sucking pieces of shit has to get their fuck8ng way because obviously their the fucked up victim. 

Example. "You don't even work. You don't have a real job". That's not what she meant. She meant, why didn't I just apply at McDonald's to begin with and make less than half the money I did just to not make enough money when I'm looking for work I'm qualified to do that is enough so I have something to yell at you about because you didnt even try to look for work that can pay enough that youre able to do?" That's how it works here, or with me, or thats just my fucking history. But it's still my fault. Do I have stupid written on my face? Retard? Push over? Fuck with me, it's funny? How about punching bag or fucktard or whatever anyone wants to fucking label me as because whatever I bring up will be wrong even though the actions says it in full fucked up colors. 

You know, my parents did that. Tells me something then expects me to figure out what they said has nothing to do with what they meant. Thats where my communication skills died. All my life, I'm expected to say exactly what I mean and others will say "hi. Good day isn't it?" Then what they meant was "fuck off. I fucking hate you retard". Kinda makes me feel good that mom died in the worst possible way she could ever imagine. Being thrown in a nursing home and forgoten. Well, you get what you fucking pay for. What little I did cry at moms funeral only tells me I'm probably going to cry as much as dad did at her funeral when he dies. NONE. Dad was happy she was gone. Long story but yeah, he was relieved. He's a narcissistic asshole that doesn't fucking care unless he gets his way. Truth. Just like most of my other relatives.

They're not family. They're relatives. Family supports each other. Relatives are blood connected. I still think I'm adopted,  or at least switched at birth. 

There's reasons I dont have a single friend. I don't want them. They lecture how they are and what they mean, then turn on you whenever they want just to fuck you over then say, nobodys perfect. Then expect you to be. Then when you are perfect then it's still not good enough. Thats why I don't have, want or desire to have anyone in my life. Fuck people. 

I have been told to told to stand up for myself. When I do after being ran over so many times, then I'm an asshole. Want me to be an asshole? I will. Then I'm acting like them and now it's still my fault. I don't like people. People dont like me and I'm fine with it. I dont fucking care if people ever want anything to do with me. I've done everything by my fucking self (literally) my life. If I ever ask for help on anything, it's taken from me and finished entirely by someone else the way they want it done because I'm doing it wrong when they don't know what I'm doing with it or even ask. Now I'm told I should have told them when I did but was told to shut up and they know what they're doing. Now that project is trash because no one ever cared to ask what I'm doing and how I want it so it's my fault It's trash. 

Point made? Its either completely their way or I'm on my own. Idk how to do anything anymore. I should just plug my pathways back in how they were and go through the rest of my life alone and happy. No wonder I always been a loner and a profectionist.