today sucks

OK, maybe a clot maybe not, is it MCTD who knows/ if it isn't why aren't we treating it, if it is why isn't treatment doing anything. Am I watching the inevitable. A stroke, a heart attack,  neither pleasing to me. I stopped worrying about the pain again. I felt it all before. Helps me know what and where somethings going on. seems the only good treatment is when there's enough of a failure to be immediately life threatening. So I guess i'm looking forward to blue lips or total immobility before I can get them to try something else