Today's Update
Well today has been up and down for me. I was bawling my eyes out this morning, but then I took a Klonopin, and chilled for a minute ate some lunch and started doing yard work. Idle hands is a devils plaything! I try my damnedist to go into work. The best thing is, my CEO's wife went thru a hugely similar thing to me a couple times, and she's been a great support, so my CEO is BEYOND cool,and knows what I'm going thru. He has totally been so supportive. Same thing with my boss, his wife had panic attacks. His wife actually brought me flowers on Friday (AWE!)
My HR Director went thru the exact same thing last year. She started having panic attacks on a ride in Disneyland, they had to back up the ride to let her off!! then after that she got Generalized anxiety disorder, it moved to depression. She is in an office by herself and she said for weeks she just prayed no one would come into her office. She went on Celexa too and said it's been a godsend. It did take 3+ seeks to get going though. She is really supportive and was like, take whatever schedule you want, come and go as you please, just get through it.
The thing for me is that when I feel that down and depressed it scares me, that my human emotions are capable of that. I don't think everyone is able to go to "that place" but I know a lot of people who have. Then when I feel better, like i do kinda now, and did friday, I feel like I am so far from that place, i can't imagine how i even got there or going there again.
Its like when you are down, you can never imagine being up, and when you are up, you can't imagine how you could sink so low.
Before I was 8-9hrs sleep no problem what soever. So easy. Now with the meds its messing up my sleep (like it did before) so i am constantly counting hours, how long am I up, when did I go down, is it ok to wake up? It's only 6am, i shouldn't be up yet. Then I just lie in bed and obsess over stuff too. When is the meds going to kick in? Am I ever going to feel better? or when I'm really bad, i think "I'm never goign to feel better" My goal is to make it thru a full week of work this week.
I've been on Effexor now 14 days, honestly it might take a month to kick in. Hopefully my pdoc will have some answers. I
The one thing I do know is that there is a 99.9% chance of me being cured of this anxiety again. I've been thru it twice before. Just need to find the right combo.
My HR Director went thru the exact same thing last year. She started having panic attacks on a ride in Disneyland, they had to back up the ride to let her off!! then after that she got Generalized anxiety disorder, it moved to depression. She is in an office by herself and she said for weeks she just prayed no one would come into her office. She went on Celexa too and said it's been a godsend. It did take 3+ seeks to get going though. She is really supportive and was like, take whatever schedule you want, come and go as you please, just get through it.
The thing for me is that when I feel that down and depressed it scares me, that my human emotions are capable of that. I don't think everyone is able to go to "that place" but I know a lot of people who have. Then when I feel better, like i do kinda now, and did friday, I feel like I am so far from that place, i can't imagine how i even got there or going there again.
Its like when you are down, you can never imagine being up, and when you are up, you can't imagine how you could sink so low.
Before I was 8-9hrs sleep no problem what soever. So easy. Now with the meds its messing up my sleep (like it did before) so i am constantly counting hours, how long am I up, when did I go down, is it ok to wake up? It's only 6am, i shouldn't be up yet. Then I just lie in bed and obsess over stuff too. When is the meds going to kick in? Am I ever going to feel better? or when I'm really bad, i think "I'm never goign to feel better" My goal is to make it thru a full week of work this week.
I've been on Effexor now 14 days, honestly it might take a month to kick in. Hopefully my pdoc will have some answers. I
The one thing I do know is that there is a 99.9% chance of me being cured of this anxiety again. I've been thru it twice before. Just need to find the right combo.
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