Today\'s story

I wanted to write last night but didn't get the change to and ended up falling asleep.  I'm feeling pretty "lonely" these days.  My relationship of almost 7 years is really at a stand still.  Of course, when I think back through these past years, it's never changed.  It doesn't grow; it isn't "fun' anymore.  It just exists.  We have no future plans....we dont' even talk about it.  He talks about how he needs to sell his building that he lives in and get a home for he and his kids.   No talk of where I fit into the equation....but why should that be any different?  He has worked alot during these past several months....it's been a hard winter for everyone and he works a lot of snow detail...or so he says.  So I spend a lot of time by myself.  My life is about to change as my children move to the next phase of their lives....I have to think about my future and where I want to be...Things are starting to slowly move in a positive direction for me at work so that it good.  I have decided to look into joining this volunteer women's group which I think may be a positive way for me to give back to the community and an opportunity to network with other women.  They do such great things around the city.  So we'll see where that leads...I guess another issue for me here is that since he betrayed me a few years back, I have and will never trust him.  I find myself more and more thinking about if he is really where he says he is.  Just the other night, he told me he was going to work out....so I drove to the health club to see if he was there because he didn't pick up his phone.  It is a pretty small lot so you would be able to recognize his car....I didn't see it.  Then I drove past his house to see if he was there but he wasn't.  A short time later, I called him again...probably 20 minutes later.  He picks up and says oh I just left the club and I'm stopping for milk before I go home.  HMM?  Makes you wonder....That's it for today.  I don't know what more I can say.  I thank God that I have this "place" to write down my most innermost thoughts....