Today Peace

Today i have some peace. he is out of town for business. Yea, me!
i wish they would extend it somehow. let him get snowed in something.
he knows he is not missed by me.
im still just trying to take it one day at a time. trying to be a good mom to my kids and good to myself.
that feeling in the pit of my stomach is still there but not quite as bad.
man i cant wait for therapy and yet im afraid ill get a none supportive therapist.
i hate how wishy washy i feel.
i hate feeling this way. ive felt bad before but never like this. when i was through i could walk away and lick my wounds. rebound. i feel like a prisoner of war.
what if we go to court and the judge doesnt understand what this person has done to my life and the life of my kids.
what if he talks his way out of the stds he has given me and the 3 hr jogs after 9pm.
what if the judge doesnt get how hurt and confused he leaves the kids and how he "likes being evil"
i will be so glad when this is over. i pray to never have to see him again. i dont want him dead which is a big improvement, i just want him gone to leave us alone.
at least during his moments of power he did just that for the most part. 
i hate this honeymoon period, i hate this feeling of being trapped.
i just want him out of our lives.