Today marks a year.
Today is the Glorious "One Year" mark. She left us one year ago after a 70 year battle with life!
I am absolutely numb about this whole thing. I look around me and I have not progressed at all. When I am in this house of hers I can't stand to be in it and it's the only place I have to go! I am stuck, truth be told. It's her house so I am having the hardest time dealing with the stuff in it. I sit amongst her things and think I should go through stuff but can't seem to bring myself to do it. I really doesn't matter that we all need to move on a bit. I just can't bring myself to start.
I believe she's got no more pain or struggle in her world now. I know she is free. I know that I miss my Mom so desperately that I cannot even put words to it. I need help but there's no money for that and there's no time even if there was money. I am behind on all the bills and have taken out 2 installment loans to try to get a handle on the debt. I took a pay cut when I changed jobs at work and my hubby is lucky to see 25 hours a week at his job. Gas has gone up and my son may as well go to school on mars for the amount of driving I have to do when I get off work. The bus can't get him home at the hours he'd have to travel.
This is not getting any better and I am just really disgusted with myself and my life. I want to know when does it get better? Hell I can't even get mad at her for leaving, because I would be lying to say I am not at least a little jealous.
I love you Mom and I need you! RIP Loretta Jean "Beanie" Park!
I am absolutely numb about this whole thing. I look around me and I have not progressed at all. When I am in this house of hers I can't stand to be in it and it's the only place I have to go! I am stuck, truth be told. It's her house so I am having the hardest time dealing with the stuff in it. I sit amongst her things and think I should go through stuff but can't seem to bring myself to do it. I really doesn't matter that we all need to move on a bit. I just can't bring myself to start.
I believe she's got no more pain or struggle in her world now. I know she is free. I know that I miss my Mom so desperately that I cannot even put words to it. I need help but there's no money for that and there's no time even if there was money. I am behind on all the bills and have taken out 2 installment loans to try to get a handle on the debt. I took a pay cut when I changed jobs at work and my hubby is lucky to see 25 hours a week at his job. Gas has gone up and my son may as well go to school on mars for the amount of driving I have to do when I get off work. The bus can't get him home at the hours he'd have to travel.
This is not getting any better and I am just really disgusted with myself and my life. I want to know when does it get better? Hell I can't even get mad at her for leaving, because I would be lying to say I am not at least a little jealous.
I love you Mom and I need you! RIP Loretta Jean "Beanie" Park!
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