today keep it simple

i plan to look for my old writing about "first day"  and enter it into this journal entry tonight.  however I woke this morning not feeling well.  I have a non-compliance court date today and have a major achievement of not telling anyone in my "circle"  about it.   maybe that is why i don't feel well cause last night was another one of "them" nights with the ex.....and my son,. I feel so badly for my son cause he posted on FB about his dad being his only friend and yet his dad was taking advantage of him  its like the dad waited for him to grow up and become his drinking/gambling "buddy"   my son does not need that pressure....our mistakes as parents helped them to suffer much of which sadly I am just realizing this.  I think I remember it to say "the first day of a new year time to go up and grow forward.."  this was in reference to saying I do not need to grow up because I am an acoa and i do not need to go forward because as a nofas i am always trying to better myself thus i needed to go up because i was at my bottom because of my co dependency and i needed to grow forward because of my recovery from it all.