Today is the day!
Before I get stuck into some uni work I thought I would write a quick journal entry.
Today is the day I get my stitches out and have my post-op appointment I think you'd call it and find out my 'fate'. I've been thinking over the weekend the liklihood of me having another operation is high. I recall looking at my papers sitting on the table infront of me after my operation and memorizing the last number, when I came home to refer to numbers the numbers indicted on my paper were for the pricing of if he went in there and JUST looked (which doesnt really explain 3 holes (i re-checked hole numbers). Now Since my discharge papers say I have endo and my Gyno called my boyfriend who is my next of kin to tell him I do have endo and a few other things in there, the only reason I can see why he didnt do anything was from our pre-consultation before my op... I recall him saying "if it is too advanced I wont touch it, I'll make a specialist remove it". So im expecting further operations =(
I phoned my mother last night to ask if this was the case could she/would she come down and help me out since im assuming it would be a much bigger operation and Ill be out for the count for longer. Im very lucky because she said she would.
Im nervous about what else is in there - but I need to stop with the "what ifs" and "maybes" my BIGGEST fear is that I can't have children and I think if he tells me that I'll lose all emotional control because regardless of anything in life of anything I want to accomplish in life - having children was my number 1... I adore children and I couldnt wait for the right man and the right moment to have them - I'm not saying right now I want them but I am saying I do wish to have them. I know having endo doesnt prevent that and there are ways and means....but it would by far be the worlds cruelest blow - Im my mothers only child and I wanted so much to give her atleast one grandchild one day. I know nothing is definate (well very few things are) and one day even if they tell me I cant have children I might be fortunate enough to just concieve or I could adopt or something like that... Which of course I'd be more than willing to do... its just being told you cant have your own - I'll be beyond heartbroken. Again - I cant just assume this will all happen... not untill 2.45pm when I find out whats going on in there.
Each day Im one step closer, and now I have answers, I have the time to heal now the time to work out life now I'm lucky in that respect....a lot of women in my situation find out later in life or after they're married etc and it causes friction in their marriage. Im lucky to have a man who regardless will stay with me and is open to the option of adoption etc....I'm his world regardless of my flaws...and he is mine =)
Thanks again for letting me vent and Ill be sure to come on this afternoon and update you on the doctors appointment xoxoxo
Today is the day I get my stitches out and have my post-op appointment I think you'd call it and find out my 'fate'. I've been thinking over the weekend the liklihood of me having another operation is high. I recall looking at my papers sitting on the table infront of me after my operation and memorizing the last number, when I came home to refer to numbers the numbers indicted on my paper were for the pricing of if he went in there and JUST looked (which doesnt really explain 3 holes (i re-checked hole numbers). Now Since my discharge papers say I have endo and my Gyno called my boyfriend who is my next of kin to tell him I do have endo and a few other things in there, the only reason I can see why he didnt do anything was from our pre-consultation before my op... I recall him saying "if it is too advanced I wont touch it, I'll make a specialist remove it". So im expecting further operations =(
I phoned my mother last night to ask if this was the case could she/would she come down and help me out since im assuming it would be a much bigger operation and Ill be out for the count for longer. Im very lucky because she said she would.
Im nervous about what else is in there - but I need to stop with the "what ifs" and "maybes" my BIGGEST fear is that I can't have children and I think if he tells me that I'll lose all emotional control because regardless of anything in life of anything I want to accomplish in life - having children was my number 1... I adore children and I couldnt wait for the right man and the right moment to have them - I'm not saying right now I want them but I am saying I do wish to have them. I know having endo doesnt prevent that and there are ways and means....but it would by far be the worlds cruelest blow - Im my mothers only child and I wanted so much to give her atleast one grandchild one day. I know nothing is definate (well very few things are) and one day even if they tell me I cant have children I might be fortunate enough to just concieve or I could adopt or something like that... Which of course I'd be more than willing to do... its just being told you cant have your own - I'll be beyond heartbroken. Again - I cant just assume this will all happen... not untill 2.45pm when I find out whats going on in there.
Each day Im one step closer, and now I have answers, I have the time to heal now the time to work out life now I'm lucky in that respect....a lot of women in my situation find out later in life or after they're married etc and it causes friction in their marriage. Im lucky to have a man who regardless will stay with me and is open to the option of adoption etc....I'm his world regardless of my flaws...and he is mine =)
Thanks again for letting me vent and Ill be sure to come on this afternoon and update you on the doctors appointment xoxoxo
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