Today is a new day
Today is a new day. I felt hungover and tired and spent and somewhat empty. But I also felt a glimmer or hope in my determination to stop. I had weird dreams all last night about gambling and such. I just wanted to lie around the couch and watch t.v. all day, felt lethargic and hungover. I went with it and just felt it. Now, I do feel better. I feel like I am living in the moment and just living with it. I feel a sense of relief and a trust in myself to my commitment to stop, which I really didn't have before. I have accepted that I have a problem and I have accepted the reality that it brings to my life. I'm no longer going to fight against it or try to convince myself that I just need to set better limits and all the other excuses. There is a sense of peace in that level of deep acceptance within, where you really truly accept that you are going to let go and do what needs to be done. That feels good.
I expect that there are some things to come as far as detoxing off this addiction. I hope I can find the daily strength to ride the storm and come out stronger and more at peace and happier on the other side.
I expect that there are some things to come as far as detoxing off this addiction. I hope I can find the daily strength to ride the storm and come out stronger and more at peace and happier on the other side.
Replies
Yes Maria you will come out of this addiction happier stronger and more at peace with yourself.Its going to take some time you will have to be patient with yourself.But day by day week by week you will start to feel better.You will be able to think straighter sleep better.The anxiety will begin to dissapate your self esteem will start to come back.Your whole life will just change for the better. Its not going to happen overnight and there will be days all your going to want to do is go back to it.But as long as you have help and want it want it really bad like your life depends on it you will get through it.I have been GF for 5 months now and I never thought i would get this far and here I am.Yes I still have my days I wish I didnt blow all that money that took me years to save, years of hard work down the drain.But you have to somehow put it past you.You can never make up those losses but you can prevent further losses and take control of your life.I wish you the best Maria.Your going to do just fine.Ken.
Hi Maria, Hope this is finding you well...I agree with EVERYTHING Ken has said...I PROMISE thru the recovery process there will be difficult days BUT the rewards you are going to have are unreal...the sleep...peaceful sleep...joy you will find joy in your life again...serenity...calmness...its unreal..all these years I didn\'t know what I was MISSING...Hang in there my friend..and remember just for TODAY I will NOT GAMBLE...Hugs Becky
Thank you for all the comments and support. I\'m doing well, feeling better each day. I\'m very glad I found this forum, it has helped me more than anything else so far. Now I just have to get myself to a meeting. That is a big step for me, it feels very difficult to do. I am not a big fan of 12 steps or anything \"anonymous\" but I do really want to meet other people who are going through the same problems and get some support. I feel like that part will be very helpful.