Today,I want to be the old me as long as I can be

Good morning journal,the time is 9;50am,and I have been awake for almost an hour.I retired to bed last evening at around 8:10pm,I was tired beyond belief,and my back was very painful.I slept deeply,waking only once,and I awoke with a monumental thirst.On rising,the pain in my back was excruciating,and it has also spread to my left side all the way up to my neck and shoulder making it very painful to move to any great degree.The new drug I have started seems to be making me sleep,which I am grateful for as before I slept for only short periods before waking,so the rest must be beneficial,both for my body and my mind.This morning,the sun is bright outside,but it is still very cold,in a little while I will take a shower,hopefully that will ease the soreness in me a little,but for now,my body needs more coffee!Today,I have made a decision,I am going to be the old me,the man I was before I became ill,for as long as possible;the voices in my mind are quiet for now,and my attitude is one of positivity.I realize that I must give the seroquel time to infiltrate my system as it were,to be of maximum effect,but I can help by remaining as calm as possible,and thinking before I speak.The physical pain I can deal with,the mental side is another ball game altogether,but my wife deserves better than I have been able to give of late,so just for today,I will be the man that she fell in love with,and I will be aware of Jeremiah,Michael and Ruth,but I will not let them take over for as long as I am capable of maintaining control.I am not afraid to admit that the future is a frightening place for me,but for the present,I will deal with now,this day,this hour,this minute,nothing more.I will not raise my voice more than enough to be heard,and I will not project in my mind,today,I will hold my wife and thank her simply for being who she is,an astonishing human being who is loved by me more than life itself,today,I will be me.I will sleep when I need to without fighting tiredness,and while I am awake,I will be pleasant company,how hard can it be?. So journal,that is the plan,let us pray that,with God's help,I can come here tomorrow and report that it was a success,till then,peace be with us.