today i subbed a yoga class to a new group

today i subbed a yoga class to a new group (new time) and they liked me.  i sound like sally fields.  but i know i she felt.  this one lady from a previous class that i taught tapped her neighbor and whispered "that's xxxx, he is so wonderful."  at the end of the class they clapped for me.  i felt really thankful and full of joy.  i felt special.  i felt a lot of love.
it's hard to hold on to that feeling.  it feels so easy to slip away when one small thing doesn't go right.
i did get out and now i'm in a cafe with all these people so that's cool.  i'm trying so hard not to isolate myself.
i have to remember small steps and to be gentle to myself.
the yoga really helps.  i really have a feeling of confidence after my practice.  it's amazing.  it's hard to teach for me b/c doubt can easily creep in and i may mess up a little.  but i will get back on track so that's cool.
i was drifting a little in my thoughts.  that can happen easily for me too.
the other day i heard a commercial for a oprah show about men and molestation.  her guess was to be tyler perry.  it bothered me.  i wondered why she would  have someone popular, rich, and successful talking about them being molested.  he seem to have overcome it.  i know that sounds unfair.  why can't she talk to people who lives have been ravaged or stuck b/c of the molestation?  i want lucky people see what it is really like for me to always be afraid and full of stress.   full of doubt.  not knowing boundaries and allowing people who you think are your friends to take advantage of you.  always thinking everyone is laughing at you.  never looking at yourself in the mirror b/c you think you are to ugly to look at.  feeling like a failure.
i needed to get that out.