Today,I have the opportunity to improve on yesterday

Good morning journal,the time is 6:39am,I have been awake since 2:50am,I lay in bed beside my wife and was unable to fall asleep again,so I rose at 5:55am and came here.Yesterday was a day in which I regressed somewhat,the voices in my head returned with a vengeance,very loud,and very demanding.As a result,I was irritable and ill at ease,and I retired to bed at around 6:30pm,one reason was because I was exhausted,the other reason was because I did not wish to cause my wife any pain or anxiety.I fell asleep very quickly,I don't know if I dreamed,but I get the feeling I did,also that what I dreamed was important,but I just cannot remember what it was.Such is the change in me over the past few days though,that I put my feelings of yesterday down to a blip,rather than a major disaster.I am still very positive in my attitude,and today,I have the opportunity to improve on yesterday,so that is my plan for today.The new anti psychotic drug seems to be doing whatever it is meant to do,and I am calmer and more stable than I have been for the past few months,but it is very early days yet,so we shall see.The voices in my mind yesterday were a disappointment,I was beginning to feel normal again,but I am not disheartened,my ongoing treatment is bound to have a few teething problems,so,for now,until I talk to my doctor and therapist,I'll keep doing what I'm told and go with the flow.I have always been a notoriously bad patient,but I am learning,despite my stubbornness,that sometimes other people know better than me,so I will let them do what they do best,care for me.My doctor with his medical knowledge,my therapist with his mental health expertise,and my wife who is superb at just being there for me,individually,they are good,as a combination,they are awesome.I don't have to face what I'm going through alone,I just have to make a decision to let them in,and I am doing that,much to my surprise,but something is working where it wasn't before,and my wife and I have a relationship that grows deeper every day,despite my little setback of yesterday.This morning,I am very much back in control again,and the best thing about yesterday was that I recognized my irritability and my restlessness for what they were,symptoms of my illness,rather than just me being a cantankerous old polecat,though I am attempting to change that part of me too.I can say"hey,I'm scared",without feeling that I'm weak,because at times I am scared,or I can say,"I feel good today",simply because I do;I am learning to share my feelings,where before I kept them a secret for fear of causing others concern.I am learning also,that if I don't tell people how I feel,they can't help me,and I have to admit that these days,I need the help that they can,and do,give me.I am a quieter me today,I think more,and I share more,this group has been a blessing in my life,I'm so very glad I found here,maybe this old bear is mellowing a little,but whatever is happening,there is a quiet place in the deepest part of my soul,where I can sit in the tranquility and silence,and touch the hand of God.Until tomorrow journal,peace be in our hearts,and contentment be the visitor in our minds.