Today,I have my first session with a psychiatrist

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:10am,I have been awake since 7:30am because today is my first session with a psychiatrist called doctor Ashfaq,I am scheduled to see him at 11:00am,so this will be a short journal entry as I have to get showered and dressed yet,which takes a considerable length of time these days owing to my breathing difficulties and muscle wastage in my body.My therapist John made the appointment back in March but this was the first available slot when they could fit me in,John wanted to go with me,but,as he is off work ill at the moment,I have asked my wife to come with me,I want her there,and perhaps it will let her know that I do care and I value her input,it's just that sometimes I don't know,or am unable,to tell her the things she needs to hear from me.I have never been to a psychiatrist before so I'm not quite sure of what to expect,but it seems like the next logical step in my treatment,I wonder what he will make of my voices?,it can't be every day of the week when he gets some guy walking into his office and saying,"by the way doc,I talk daily with two prophets and a Moabite woman from the bible". To deal with the awful debilitating effects of my COPD/Emphysema and then to have psychotic depression just as an added daily "unseen" illness is not easy,not easy at all,and I am hoping,I guess,that he will have some answers for me.I don't know what he can accomplish in a one hour session,but we will see,I am at a stage now where I am desperate enough to try just about anything,the diagnosis of psychotic depression was made by my therapist John,but,as he said,we really need to get the psychiatrist on board with his expertise,just in case it's something else.Okay,I can live with that,I just want someone to say,hey,I know where your at man,and treat me with whatever the hell they need to treat me with so that I can start to feel better.I no longer get embarrassed or feel ashamed when I talk about my voices,they are there on an almost daily basis,it is what it is and I firmly believe that they are real,but then I don't have letters after my name so who am I to say what is and what isn't in my head,it will be interesting to see what the good doctor makes of it all though.My wife says that if we were back in Virginia where she comes from,I would have seen a psychiatrist long before now,she was born in Arlington,I have never been to America,we met online and my natural animal magnetism brought her over here to be with me,(yes,I know,I do write some real BS sometimes!),but it's MY journal okay?,I'm allowed to write crap if I want.I must admit that this morning I feel quite upbeat for now,my breathing is okay at the moment,and spiritually I'm actually feeling pretty good for me,better than I normally do anyway,so I'm trying to hang on to the "feel good factor" that I'm experiencing right now,I think I'm hoping that the psychiatrist will be able to offer me something that will help me cope easier than I have been doing for the past year,the way I look at it is that it can't get much worse,so anything he can do will help.Well,time to get ready,I will let you know the outcome of my visit journal,until then,we are in the hands of God and a distinguished reader of the mind,I hope your good doctor Ashfaq,may God and a diagnosis at long last be with us.

Replies

debib399
debib399

Scott,
Good luck with Dr.Ashfaq, hopefully he will be able to help you. Your wife grew up in Arlington, Va. I lived in Alexandria, then Woodbridge, then Manassas and now I live in Culpeper. I am very familiar with Arlington. I am glad you are feeling upbeat today. We can always hang on to hope. Somedays seem harder than others but we have to keep pushing forward. Glad to hear your breathing is better. Don\'t give up Scott keep pushing. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs,
Debi