Today I Cried

Today I sat in the back of my car...I am looking for mom's insurance cards...still laying there is Ken's Star War's Birthday Card...I think I tried to make his birthday be more normal like this year...A Success it was NOT..as most of you know I have been really down...and 
Today I Cried...
The tears could not be held back any longer...I feel so trapped in this house of mine..
I can not yell..I can not show hurt...I have to wear mask that are just too thick to get on...
I am tired of all this...I am tired of trying to act like it is all okay...
What could be okay in a mom's heart when all she feels is the PAIN of her CHILD gone. So
Today I Cried...
I did not cry as much as I wanted...I wanted to sob as I did months ago...I yelled in my mind why this had to be...I still have no answers..I never will be...So I had the chance..
Today I Cried....
Today I Cried, cause I don't want Ken gone...Today I Cried, cause the pain is so bad..Today I cried..I feel no better...Today I Cried as I just don't understand ...
Today again I wanted the answers..Today again I just want my old life back..Today...and everyday...I want my child back...
Today I Cried...Yesterday I cried...everyday since you left I have cried...other's may not see it...the tears may not roll down my cheek...other's look at me as if I am fine...but
Today I Cried as usual since the day you left us...
No to my family..No to my friends...No to others who just happened to see me...I am not
okay...I will never be...Yes I am thankful for the things I have...but nothing can take the
place for the one that:
TODAY I CRIED FOR.
Love you son,  Mom