Today I Am Sad

I came to write one journal entry but some of my reading quite diverted me...  and so I wanted to ask for some input from yall...
I was wondering...  different things I read say this time was the hardest... that time was the hardest... I do remember for some reason 9 months was very hard... some of the moms speculated that perhaps it was in our minds because we carry them for 9months... I don't know... what I am wondering... I am finding that as all too often I am scared of the approaching day... its like each year its a hurdle... honestly when it comes its not a whole lot different... not the days before, after or even of... because its all prettybad... and in a way that is painful too... that the pain seems to have simply become a part of my life... is it...