Today I am miserable :(

I didn't get any sleep last night, as usual. I fell asleep at about 8 pm and woke up at least once an hour until 2 am, I woke up because my hands were both numb.
I got up and fiddled around for a few hours. Tried to go back to sleep but the heat was hot so I was sweating. I dozed from about 5:30 am til about 6:30 am.
My grandparents got up, and so I went and got into their bed, hoping I could sleep. Usually I can sleep in their bed, because it's a queen size and is enormous.
I didn't really sleep.. from about 7 am til 12pm all I did was toss and turn, doze, nap a little. Finally I just got up, in a bad mood, because my head was hurting and I was tired.
I was hungry and there wasn't much in the kitchen except some leftovers from some gross mexican casserole my family loves. It's way too spicy and I hate the peppers/onions because I can't stand the texture. the texture of slightly cooked peppers/onions makes my stomach turn.
I ate some cereal, which didn't do much. I'm still hungry.
I need to go to the gym today but I am too miserable. I haven't lost a single ounce of weight even though I've been going to the gym 3 times a week for 6 weeks. I only went once last week cause I just didn't feel like it. I am fat and flabby, I hate myself. I'm so ugly. women are supposed to be skinny. I'm almost 300 lbs. do you know how bad I feel about myself? absolute shit.
so I didn't go to the gym. I sat in my room and whined. then my grandparents decide I have to go with them to get groceries. I don't want to go. I don't feel like it. I hate getting groceries. it takes hours and I get bored and I can't do anything to make the time go by faster. I just sit and watch. I hate wasting time like that. when I get groceries I go in, get what I need and leave.
so they got pissed off because I didn't want to go. so we yelled at each other for a while and then I came in my room.
I'm so depressed, for no reason. my antidepressants aren't working. I'm constantly stressed and anxious. I want a fucking job. I am so miserable. my 16 year old brother got a job. what the fuck does he need a job for. I have thousands upon thousands of dollars of debt and student loans to pay. I need a fucking job, not him. so I just sit here and seethe.
I hate my life. I hate being poor. I hate being fat. I hate being miserable. I hate being me.