Today - EXHAUSTED

So today, was my first day back at work after the whole family caught the horrible viral infection going round. Leaving my son was especially difficult, I know my husband is  fully capable of looking after our son, and is very hands on, but i am always thinking that only I can solve things, and only I can know everything when it comes to my son. Sure, half of it is probably Maternal Instinct, the bond between a mother and her child is something that no opinion or anything else can get in between. I feel firelessly protective our my son. But I am here tonight and he is getting better :)

This flu and viral epidemic is ruining me. I admit it. I am struggling so hard to cope. The worry of seeing my son ill, and trying to keep positive, the worry of seeing other loved ones being ill and trying to not worry bout complications. I must google bout 20 times a day in the hope that the reports say that suddenly its gone down, and there are hardly any reports of it anymore. Last night I had a fever, which is fine, I can handle a fever, but tonight i have muscle aches, like when you exercise, and your legs make you feel like you camt walk, i have a tight chest which hurts, and i feel more breathless than usual. & the most annoying thing is that the anxiety will tell me that it isnt where I have anxiety, its a sign of the flu. I feel guilty because my son doesnt have the flu vaccine (he is booked in next Friday) but ven the thought of something happening to my son like this makes me want to have a panic attack. I want him to have this protection straigh away, and there is nothing i can do about it, which makes me want to cry.

I HATE BEING LIKE THIS! it serioiusly does not feel like it is ever going to stop. When this epidemic goes, itll be something else, and then something else after that..

I have printed off some self help cbt techniques, which i will be going through tonight. I just want to start enjoying life again. Will I?