Today
I slept pretty deeply last night. Im having my mammogram after work to get that put behind me for the time being. When telling Roomie that I will be home late because of test-he made sexual inuendos. I don't like this-makes me think hes still in denial. Im suppose to be telling him tonight that I'm moving out on Sat. He won't handle this well and I feel bad-but....I knew hed get hurt because seperation always does. Even after having several talks with him, he goes about like nothing ever happened and then when it does he scrambles to keep me. It's too late for us. I knew it 2 months into the newly signed lease last year.
My boss and I had a good talk. We agreed there would be no questions about my personal life-but, this talk made me question everything Im doing. Im 90% sure about marrying Joe RV but, the other 10% weighs heavily on me. My friend told me last night that lifes too short and if he makes me happy then I should go for it. I wonder what Joe RV would do if I postponed getting married for awhile? I think hes afraid of losing me-for months he was telling me to get my own place-then as we spent time together he changed and wanted me with him.
The first person I told was my brother-he was happy but thought I should think about it. I'm 47, I have no house and noone else to take care of other than myself. I don't have anything tying me down. This marriage certainly wouldnt. He and I are so much alike its scary-the only difference is he voices his opinions and feelings and mine are felt by utter silence. So far the things we have accomplished together makes me feel like we would be a great team.
On another note-I'm investing in a good old fashioned calender book. I hate scheduling things on my phone-it just ties me to it more.
Good news is, I don't have to think about the whole marriage thing today-Ill get thru my test and then thru the talk. Thank God tommorows a new day.
Replies
A restful sleep is my most trusted indicator that I am holding a steady course through confusing times. May the trend continue.
Continued support while you find your way through.
Good luck with the talk. As a man I have heard that talk a few times and it does hurt but it's better to break up then to live with someone who is not happy. When I was young and lacked emotional maturity,... I took it hard, but now that I am older and more mature, It doesn't bother me or if it does....I make sure she doesn't know about how I feel out of respect for her.
Good luck with the mamogram... I hope you get good news.
Good luck with the rv guy. I hope he makes you happy.
God Bless
Bob- I don't like to hurt anyone. Most times it has kept me in a relationship longer than I needed to be but, Jan 1 2020 was the turning point for me. I had mulled things around for awhile but somehow this New Years Eve made me finally start putting actions into place.
Life's too short and with this most recent health scare, made me realize that we never know what life will bring us 1` second, 1 minute, and 1 day from now.
I'd rather try to make my time as fun and memorable as possible and realize that my decision is not only for me but, so that Roomie can find the person he is meant to be with. I should have let go a long time ago as I tried once before-my own fear kept me in that position-I'm throwing fear out the door and replacing it with excitement of the unknown. No longer am I paralyzed with fear-Ive decided to accept the bad with the good.:)