To New Beginnings..

I am blessed to have an amazing best friend who I recently confided in regarding my childhood abuse by my brother (who is my only sibling as well). She urged me to join a support group but because of scheduling conflicts I am unable to attend Wednesday evenings at a local support group..so I found this. I have always been scared of journaling...feeling uneasy to see the words on paper..I have never said the word "incest" out loud. It feels like at times it happened to someone else..like an out of body experience..It is becoming difficult as my abuser (brother) continues to abuse by controlling me and others around him. A few years ago I stopped walking on egg shells around his unpredictable moods and tempers and we fought and argued..things came to surface, he gave me a half ass apology like he stepped on my toe vs abused me for years (4-12). Now I hate him because his wrath continues..I have to find a way to deal with my feelings but I find it getting harder day by day..Because my ill mother resides with him I am forced to have some communication..It makes me physically ill..God help me..I'm thankful to have a space to vent and thank you all for your words and compassion.