To Michael

 
I have found that the weather is effecting my mood. Yesterday was cold and rainy and I felt horrible all day. Sara came over and we cleaned out the upstairs closets and went out for dinner. I felt a little better but not much. I started cleaning house and rearranging things to make it seem like a new space. It wasn’t out of disrespect for our  life together, but a way of making slow changes to being a me instead of an us. I know you would approve because I know that you want me to live a strong and productive life. I still feel you every day and know that you are with me until I can take that last step towards independence. At times I feel you carrying me. I thank you for that.
My grief consoler told me that the loss of a love one will change you more than any event in your life. Amen to that. I have found myself becoming much stronger than I ever felt possible. I feel empowered in many ways. I also find myself slowing down and thinking things through before making decisions. I am also kinder and more patient. My goals in life have changed now that I am living for the both of us. I plan to spend more time outdoors spending time in the garden and gazing at the stars at night. It is my greatest wish to live a long and productive life. In time I hope to know love again. I have no allusions that it will be the same, but I know it will be good. I also know that when I take my last breath on this earth that you will be the one to carry me home. I love you and I hope I am making you proud.
Me