To love and be loved...
So basically my heart doesn't know what to do, I don't think my mind really knows either. I'm so naive sometimes. I have hardly any trust in anyone, especially men..
My closest friends are the only ones that could possibly read me, maybe more than I can do myself. I look in the mirror and I see one thing but I'm something different.
Anyways.. Me and my ex (christian).. I love him still and he still has a place in my heart, but I just really want to move on because we have been in an emotional roller coaster of a relationship and its just becoming too much for me. I mean I'm over him, you can love someone and not want their shit you know?
I met this guy.. his name is Chad.. I like him, I'm 99.9% sure he likes me too. Last night I stayed at his house, we were kissing, getting into it and it was feeling amazing, but I didn't let him get in my pants quite yet or anything. But for some reason I always think of shit at the worst time and i started crying. I wanted to tell him that i really want to feel love, i want to be able to open my heart up to it and not be afraid and if he was willing to just take those steps forward with me and see if me and him can find love in each other. but i just couldnt.. I'm so afraid of getting my heart ripped to shreds.
I was also thinking of my dad, how much I miss him, he was such a big part of my life and i really need someone there that can comfort me and make me laugh and help me to enjoy life and not be afraid anymore. someone to open my heart and soul up to what true love really feels like.. im not saying it will be Chad, it doesnt mean i wouldnt like it to be but i just cant predict that right now. i need more time...
but I hardly cry in front of anyone and i cried in front of him, i felt like a tard but it means something for me to be open enough to cry, even if i dont tell you how im feeling. im just scared thats all, and once someone (maybe chad) can just be able to gain my trust and feel deep into my heart and open it up, then i can stop being so self concious, down on myself, and scared.
-melanie
My closest friends are the only ones that could possibly read me, maybe more than I can do myself. I look in the mirror and I see one thing but I'm something different.
Anyways.. Me and my ex (christian).. I love him still and he still has a place in my heart, but I just really want to move on because we have been in an emotional roller coaster of a relationship and its just becoming too much for me. I mean I'm over him, you can love someone and not want their shit you know?
I met this guy.. his name is Chad.. I like him, I'm 99.9% sure he likes me too. Last night I stayed at his house, we were kissing, getting into it and it was feeling amazing, but I didn't let him get in my pants quite yet or anything. But for some reason I always think of shit at the worst time and i started crying. I wanted to tell him that i really want to feel love, i want to be able to open my heart up to it and not be afraid and if he was willing to just take those steps forward with me and see if me and him can find love in each other. but i just couldnt.. I'm so afraid of getting my heart ripped to shreds.
I was also thinking of my dad, how much I miss him, he was such a big part of my life and i really need someone there that can comfort me and make me laugh and help me to enjoy life and not be afraid anymore. someone to open my heart and soul up to what true love really feels like.. im not saying it will be Chad, it doesnt mean i wouldnt like it to be but i just cant predict that right now. i need more time...
but I hardly cry in front of anyone and i cried in front of him, i felt like a tard but it means something for me to be open enough to cry, even if i dont tell you how im feeling. im just scared thats all, and once someone (maybe chad) can just be able to gain my trust and feel deep into my heart and open it up, then i can stop being so self concious, down on myself, and scared.
-melanie
Replies
Take the chances you feel most comfortable with. If you think Chad might do that for you then go for it. You also have to keep in mind that you\'re willing to let him open your heart again.
I think you should maybe get to know Chad more, then maybe try and begin to trust him (with good judgement). He could be the one, but unless you trust him, you wont know. Getting hurt is part of the process. Perhaps you\'ve had your share of getting hurt now?
Go for it :)
I\'m always here if you need to talk about anything.
Good luck.
xXx