Tired, sick, sad, energized, healthy, content

I am feeling sorry for myself this evening. I usually try to focus on the positive but tonight for a moment I want to "go there." 
I feel sorry for myself because I am a widow.
I feel sorry for myself because I don't have have biological children and the stepchildren don't call or visit much.
I feel sorry for myself because it is almost a year.
I feel sorry for myself because I have a sore throat and I worry I'll get cancer again and no one will help me.
I feel sorry for myself because friends and relatives can have a good time and I really have to work at it.
I feel sorry for myself because people don't understand.
I feel sorry for myself because I am alone on the weekend and I imagine everyone in the world is cuddled up with his/her honey or out having a ball with friends. 
I am happy that I was married to the best possible man for me fo close to 20 years.
I am happy that J. is happy and at peace.
I am glad my stepchildren do call and email and visit, but I probably wouldn't want to be with my grandchildren all the time.
I am happy I have made it this far and I have a job, enough money and friends.
I am happy that I only have a sore throat and if I get cancer again, I'll deal with it then.
I am happy that I can get out and do things for myself. Today I drove to Dayton and looked at University of Dayton's enormous collection of nativity scenes from around the world. I have a meeting tonight and turned down a pre-meeting dinner invitation.
I am happy I have DS and other friend who are widows. You understand me.
I even turned down an invitation to go to Cinnci tomorrow, so I could be out with friends more than I am. I think I'll do some things in the house and then relax and read for a while.
I have to turn things around and look at the bright side, even when the bright side looks kind of dull. There is no use in dwelling on the dark side unless you make money from the sale of antidepressents.
 

Replies

lovelos
lovelos

I always love your journals my friend. We do have so many reasons to be sad but we also have many reasons to be thankful and you always end with the positive. Know you do have friends here that do understand, thanks for you, Hugs Lu Ann
Joely
Joely

We all have \"those\" days! Hopefully, today will be better for you. The holidays seem to bring out the \"I\'m sorry for myself\" attitude, but, then, when we reflect for a little while on the negative side, we begin to see the positive side. Hang in there, it will become a little easier ~~ as time goes by.
Hope you are planning something with someone for Christmas. Plan, plan, plan ~~ it helps.
Hugs, Joely
edithbathgate
edithbathgate

Thanks, you guys, love you both!
jremee
jremee

Thanks for sharing - I especially liked the last line! :)
-MJ
pathoflife
pathoflife

I love your insight into the real world--good, bad, and the ugly. We do indeed have many things to be happy about as we journey forward. That being said, we are allowed \"those moments\" to lick our wounds in the reality of our changed lives. Thinking of you as the holidays approach and your 1-year mark draws near. Hang tough, Friend, it becomes more bearable with each day. TJ
sadheart56
sadheart56

Thanks so much for the journal. Everything you said is so true about myself. I am thankful that I have Jesus and will see him along with my husband father and brother one day soon.

Praying for you Edith
Christine