Tired, scared...

I am always so tired.  I want to crawl into bed and not come out.  It has been 3 weeks.  It feels like three hundred years.  I miss my husband so much.  Last night I stood in the shower crying, with my eyes closed, not wanting to open them because I knew Denny would not be there.  I have read so many things that talk about this fog, and I am living in it.  I go to work do my job, come home, and sit and think what do I do now?  I blindly watch the news, not really caring about what is going on, but just sitting here waiting until I can go to bed.  Last night, I made it to 6:30. 
 
I am also anxious.  Half of our income was Denny's disability.  Now that is gone.  There was no life insurance...since he was so sick no one would cover him.  We worked so hard to get to where we are, and I think I am going to have to find another job.  So as tired as I already am, now it's going to be even worse. 
 
And then I feel selfish.  I am here worried about these small things, and he is gone.  I don't know what to do.  Sometimes I cannot breath.