Tired, Plantar Wart, Whining

I'm not really doing good or bad at the moment....so I guess that means I'm okay.  Today I'm just feeling really tired...tired of a lot of different things.  I feel like I've done so much work to try to get better but now as horrible as it sounds and as horrible as it is...I really feel like I'm missing the way I was before.  I know it's probably just a feeling and an attack from the enemy and I've got to turn to God and resist...but...part of me doesn't want to.  I just want to stop all the appointments, all the medications, everything.....and just let myself go wild...go free.  I don't want to waste anymore of peoples time or money...who knows when/if I'll be able to get back to work and my disability providers probably not going to hold out much longer.  I'm just tired of everything being a fight all the time.  I'm tired of trying to be strong.  I don't want to hurt myself though and I don't want to die unnaturally...I just don't want to try so hard to be living right now.  I know it's horrible to even be saying all this....just being honest about what I feel right now.  Why does it have to be such a struggle?!   Anyway...aside from that I've got to get ready for an appointment soon with a podiatrist.  See if I have any options with this stupid plantars wart that won't go away and is really annoying the hell outta me.  It affects so much that you wouldn't think it would.  Posture, the way I walk, the way I work out, sometimes it keeps me awake with it's burny/itchy/throbby feeling, not to mention keeps me from going to public pools or sports places because I don't want to spread it or catch any more.  I want it gone.  It's been like 10+ years I think.  There's no surgeon's in Halifax that will even consider removing a plantars wart...the dermatologist says it's too deep for him to do...so this is my last option for around here...lets hope they have some options.  I'm tired of all the liquid nitro treatments, all the home remedy's, all the different soaks, the duck tape, the crushed asprin, the dandelion milk from inside the stem, the formalin (formeldyhyde mixture), the creams and ointments, etc.   Sorry I guess I'm having a whiny day today.  I'm just frustrated.  The sleep isn't going so well anymore either...and I think the meds are making my moods worse...but I'm scared to stop taking them for fear I might give in to the urges at night if I don't.  My initial insomnia is as bad as ever...I can be exhausted but it will still take me more then 3 hours to fall asleep (with the meds)....once I'm asleep though I sleep until 8-9am without any problem...thanks to the meds...without them I'd be awake multiple times.  Maybe after tomorrows appointment I'll be brave enough to go without the benzo's.  I know it's better for me if I do. Well...gonna go.  Time to stop thinking about life and start getting ready for the appointment.  I imagine it's going to be about a 45min walk there...though I have no idea really.