Tired of the battle

Today is a tough day.  I am tired and the side affects of the avonex stink.  Some days I don't feel poopey after the drug.  Today I do.  Generally I have been tired anyway.    I find it so hard to hang on to hope.  I know this day will pass and a better day will be around the corner.  It is just so challenging to fight to remain positive and I am tired of fighting to remain positive.   The fear can just come upon me like a rapid moving storm.  I hate the feeling of tightness in my body.  I hate the contractions that straighten my leg out and make it cramp.  i dream of having a feeling of fluidity in my body.  Today I feel like a prisoner to this disease.  I am trapped in this body that is undependable.  I am alone today.  My husband works all afternoon and evening.  No real food in the house.   Just the thought of what to eat, going to the grocery store, or finding food out is an obstacle today.  
If I could have a perfect day it would look like this.   I would wake up early and walk to go get a fancy cup of coffee.  Go to the beach and drink my coffee.  Go for a run in the sand and a swim in the surf.  Then I would sit in the sun all day, go home shower, take a nap, and then cook a fabulous dinner.  Days like this do not happen any more.  My sweet husband will get me coffee.  I sit on the patio in the sun with a fan on me for short periods of time.  Running is is definitely not in the cards.  In fact a walk on the beach is challenging.
All this doesn't mean life completely sucks.  I know.  I am just in a dark place today.  Tomorrow is another day.  And I need to do something that will make me feel good.  I will just have to think about what that could be today.