tired of stuff.
Tired of meds not working. Tired of taking blood pressure meds, colesteral meeds, med to make me go to bathroom, med for calcium, meds for gerd/hernia, plus about my 4 physc meds. Tired of c not being able to really enjoy myself. To dance, to swim, to walk aournd the block without a anxiety attack and neighbors looking at me. Tired of having to wear dull walmart clothing. Tired of no friends to even talk to on the phone. Tired of feeling guilty of past TV mitakes an being reminded of them. Just want to be able to sleep at least 6 hours straight.
I have been watching b mydiet an getting out so I really dont loose my mind. I wanted to go to the hospital today, but my husband always says no. He says the doccan try an change my meds but the hospital will just drug me up. Whats the difference. I know i would call him every day wanting out cause its like jail. I would worry about my sons constantly. It hurts that my middle son drinks during the week alot, but he does work 2 jobs. He reminds me of how I used to be. But I do want to have a couple of drinks just to get away from this world for a while.
So I go 2x's a week to honor my father an mother like it says in the bible. I keep my house clean. Feed my sons. And smoke my vapor cig. Pray , and love. But I need . I want to feel good. To really be me. I love it when I am manic high. I feel like the real me. I feel like doing things, taking little risks. Like piercing my nose, getting another tattoo. Enjoying buying clothes for about 100 bucks worth. Eating at different restaurants that my husband wouldnt try. Going to smoke a hookah. Getting a available message. Getting my nails done. Dye. My hair stands of color. Being differnt. Not the boring old, ugly lady anymore. Hold a baby, yes! Hold a baby! I am so sad. Sad of being alone in this house. . . I want a DOG!!!
I want someone to rub my back. I need love. To feel good. God , I want to feel close to you agian, like being in heaven, not to die but have my olde self die. This sad person go away, me, sad, poor, ugly, fat, old, yuck! I would love to really be loved even if I looked differnt than I do now. I would like to be the creative person I used to me without being judge by my husband. He is very conservative. Very controlling. . . Why can he know me, or let me live. Make me live instead of dying inside.t
I have been watching b mydiet an getting out so I really dont loose my mind. I wanted to go to the hospital today, but my husband always says no. He says the doccan try an change my meds but the hospital will just drug me up. Whats the difference. I know i would call him every day wanting out cause its like jail. I would worry about my sons constantly. It hurts that my middle son drinks during the week alot, but he does work 2 jobs. He reminds me of how I used to be. But I do want to have a couple of drinks just to get away from this world for a while.
So I go 2x's a week to honor my father an mother like it says in the bible. I keep my house clean. Feed my sons. And smoke my vapor cig. Pray , and love. But I need . I want to feel good. To really be me. I love it when I am manic high. I feel like the real me. I feel like doing things, taking little risks. Like piercing my nose, getting another tattoo. Enjoying buying clothes for about 100 bucks worth. Eating at different restaurants that my husband wouldnt try. Going to smoke a hookah. Getting a available message. Getting my nails done. Dye. My hair stands of color. Being differnt. Not the boring old, ugly lady anymore. Hold a baby, yes! Hold a baby! I am so sad. Sad of being alone in this house. . . I want a DOG!!!
I want someone to rub my back. I need love. To feel good. God , I want to feel close to you agian, like being in heaven, not to die but have my olde self die. This sad person go away, me, sad, poor, ugly, fat, old, yuck! I would love to really be loved even if I looked differnt than I do now. I would like to be the creative person I used to me without being judge by my husband. He is very conservative. Very controlling. . . Why can he know me, or let me live. Make me live instead of dying inside.t
Replies
My dear you sound so sad and frustrated.
I am looking at your list of things that you would love to do.
Do them! Knowing what you want is half the battle.
How wonderful that you have some ideas at least.
Have you ever thought of volunteering at a hospital nursery
Or how about at the SPCA. If you can\'t have a dog of your own
they could surely give you a position to love many pets.
Message me. If you want to talk.
huge hugs