Tired of Living

Saturday, February 5, 2011 - 8:50 P.M.
 
Almost everything seems to be going wrong these days. I'm not happy with the way life is headed. I am often tempted to bring it to an end, but am afraid to do that.
 
Since I am still having pain in my right foot, I went to see a surgeon last week. The fractured bone still hasn't healed, and I was told it may be another 5 or 6 months before it does heal. Until then, I am using a splint from the toes up to my knee. I am wearing it both day and night. Crap!
 
I finally got up the nerve to tell my sister and her family that I am having multiple problems with my new computer. They are upset that I did not tell them sooner. The "Dragon Dictate" quit working, so I have to type everything by hand. The computer stops working almost every day. It seems as though I spend half my time trying to get web sites, and programs, to reload. I am losing patience with it. I have been unable to go back to the computer store primarily because of the snow and sub-zero temperatures here. I think we got another 4-6 inches today.
 
One of my substitute caregivers broke the headrest on my wheelchair. I need it to help combat increased pain throughout most of my body. One of my CNA's fixed it on a temporary basis. It may be a month, or more, before I get new parts.
 
I'm not feeling good, and will be seeing a home health care nurse three days a week starting Monday. I really feel as though I am coming to the end of the road.

Replies

CoolGal
CoolGal

Hi Jim Sorry to hear things aren\'t going too well for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and we will both hang in there together. Lots of snow here in Ma too.I am not able to get out much because of it.Trying to get myself through my Social Security disablity review. a nightmare for me.So we will both have to hang in. many hugs-Stephanie
deleted_user
deleted_user

hey there, I can understand why you would be tempted to bring it to an end, but please dont. I swear you would be missed here, and you would miss out on what it is the universe or God has for you, and there is some good in life, Look for it, even if you have to struggle, find one positive thing to be thankful for each day, it will help, if you keep doing it, and don\'t give up, I am thankful you are still here,
Booky63
Booky63

Jim. It\'s very hard for others to totally understand your pain and suffering with what you deal with. Until we step in your shoes, we will never know how you truly feel. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong my friend...
JimK
JimK

Many thanks to those of you who\'ve not given up on me. With so many things on my mind to think about, it is often hard for me to get into a positive frame of mind. Once I am finally able to attain that, the next trick is to keep my positive thoughts. I\'m constantly working on doing just that.

We have been inundated by horrible weather lately, which has pretty much forced me to stay inside. Although I do not get to go out too often, at least when we have good weather, I always have the option of either staying at home or going somewhere. With the snow and subzero temperatures we have had recently, most of that choice has been taken away from me.
CoolGal
CoolGal

Glad to hear you are doing better. Think Positive and know that Spring will be here soon, Many Hugs-Stephanie
deleted_user
deleted_user

How did I miss this journal?? I haven\'t given up on you!

Positive frame of mind is a tough one for me too. Very. Perhaps we can help each other somehow.
Booky63
Booky63

Thanks for the update Jim. You sound so much better, You are so determined, you inspire... Hugs from me x