tired of holding it all in....

My feelings are all over the place. One moment i'm totally happy and content with my life, the other time i feel completely lost and alone. ALthough i recently came out to my mom and have contacted the uni support group i feel like im living a double life and this is just not me. I'm such an open person and i hate having to go along with my friends whenever a cute guy walks by or we talk about marriage and kids. Am i ever going to get married? and if so to a guy or girl? I just hate feeling like this; like no one else can possibly understand how isolated i am. I can't talk to my roommates about it and it's killing me. I just want to make new friends who are open and accepting about my sexuality, but am scared of putting myself out there. It's so much safer staying at home and watching movies (mainly lesbian ones) and keeping my secret all to myself. I know there are ppl out there that can help me, but maybe i moved to quickly and need to just be alone with my thoughts. I want to make friends with this one group so badly, but feel like i'll never truly fit in or be accepted because i'm shy and not as cool as them (sounds like i'm back in high school) Ughhhh life can be so damn tiring!