Tired of feeling alone

here it is another Saturday night and I am on the couch surfing the tv and the internet trying hard not to feel alone. It is so crazy how your life can go to one extreme to the next with no warning and just in a matter of minutes. There was once a time I enjoyed being alone and was ok with it, but then I get a taste of the companionship and spending time with the one I love and then in a blink of an eye all of that is gone. I am not sure how am I suppose to just go back to the loneliness when my heart is broke and aching for that feeling again.i wish I was young again so I would be able to just turn off my feelings and move on....I pray for that because this feeling of loneliness is destroying me from the inside and I don't want it to affect the outside. I don't know how else to cry out for help without just saying it but of course I don't want to be judged as being weak. So I guess I will keep my poker face and continue to fight this never ending battle of just being alone.