Tired, but good
Today I've been tired. I feel good, but I've been really tired for most of the day. I got a bad night's sleep last night... I was up at 4:50am and didn't go back to sleep until 6:20am or so. I had to take a klonopin to knock myself back out because I was wide awake. I then ended up sleeping until almost 1pm. I got about 11 hours of sleep, woke up 5 times in the middle of the night, and it took me only 20 minutes to fall asleep last night (yay!). It was just waking up at 5am that killed me. Had I been able to sleep through the night, I think I would have done better. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have slept until 1pm like I did at least.
Other than that, today was pretty slow. I stayed around the house since it was really hot outside (93 plus humidity) and then it started with a thunderstorm, so I didn't want to go outside in the thunder and lightning. We were lucky that our power didn't go out like it often does during the summer storms. I did do my strength training like I should have, just stuff I could do at home with no equipment. At least I got my exercise in, even if it was indoors.
I'm still feeling good. I do have this ticking time bomb in my head with all those triggers from my dad's death, but I will just have to worry about that when it's time comes. I've tried to bring it on, but it's like it's sitting on the doorstep to my brain and it doesn't want to come in yet. Then, when it does want to come in, it will force it's way in and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. I don't want that to happen, but I've tried to force myself to confront it, but it refuses to be confronted. It just runs back outside to the doorstop where it stays for now. I think that my feeling good just doesn't want to be interrupted, and it's going to do what it takes to keep me feeling good for now. I know I'm not hypo with the way I'm sleeping, so it's not that. I don't know what is responsible for this good mood, but I'm not complaining. I'm just happy that I am happy.
I'm going through off and on being tired. I was tired when I started this entry, and now I'm not so tired anymore. I think if I lay down and tried to sleep, I would be okay and fall asleep, but not for a while. Last night I fell asleep fast because I talked to my friend Vita for a while and when we got off the phone I was tired enough to fall asleep, but not tired enough where I've passed where I can fall asleep. If I get too tired, I can't fall asleep easily- I don't know why. I'm actually at that point now- I need to sign off and try and get some sleep.
Other than that, today was pretty slow. I stayed around the house since it was really hot outside (93 plus humidity) and then it started with a thunderstorm, so I didn't want to go outside in the thunder and lightning. We were lucky that our power didn't go out like it often does during the summer storms. I did do my strength training like I should have, just stuff I could do at home with no equipment. At least I got my exercise in, even if it was indoors.
I'm still feeling good. I do have this ticking time bomb in my head with all those triggers from my dad's death, but I will just have to worry about that when it's time comes. I've tried to bring it on, but it's like it's sitting on the doorstep to my brain and it doesn't want to come in yet. Then, when it does want to come in, it will force it's way in and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. I don't want that to happen, but I've tried to force myself to confront it, but it refuses to be confronted. It just runs back outside to the doorstop where it stays for now. I think that my feeling good just doesn't want to be interrupted, and it's going to do what it takes to keep me feeling good for now. I know I'm not hypo with the way I'm sleeping, so it's not that. I don't know what is responsible for this good mood, but I'm not complaining. I'm just happy that I am happy.
I'm going through off and on being tired. I was tired when I started this entry, and now I'm not so tired anymore. I think if I lay down and tried to sleep, I would be okay and fall asleep, but not for a while. Last night I fell asleep fast because I talked to my friend Vita for a while and when we got off the phone I was tired enough to fall asleep, but not tired enough where I've passed where I can fall asleep. If I get too tired, I can't fall asleep easily- I don't know why. I'm actually at that point now- I need to sign off and try and get some sleep.
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