Tired and Sad

I feel tired and sad.  I don't know what to do so I came on DS to write a little maybe it will be therapeutic.  I am having problems with sleep.  I don't sleep well.  I have nightmares and when I wake up it is like I have never slept at all.  I wake up so tired.  In my mind the only solution is to die.  However my psychiatrist is trying all kinds of things to make me better.  He wants to increase my does of Seroquel to 300 mg and keep me on a low dose of anti-depressant.  Is this good for me "BPD".  I am not sure.  Also financial issues are weighing on me.  So I feel that my head is so full it is running slower to process all these issues. It would be good to unload some of it.  But how.  I am writing that is good but that won't create any money for me.  I am so depressed that I don't feel that I can work and even the idea of work makes me so upset.  I don't want to rely on anyone for money and therefore it means that if I cannot work and don't want to work and I cannot make money and don't want to make many isn't it more humane to die? What is wrong with that.  I am exhausted of all this thinking and it is not getting me anywhere.  Where am I going to get any stress relief. I don't want to change my mood to horrible because I feel that I can handle it where it is right now.  I feel bad and very sad but not to a point of overwhelming.  I am getting tired of all this.  I am very worried about my financial situation.