Tired

I'm really tired. I am simply 100% emotionally and physically drained and tired. Everything has been so stressful and extremely tiring. I've been yelled at and put down the past 2 weeks now for my mistakes. As if one time isn't enough. I just don't understand. I believe in God, and I love him more than words could say. But why did he have to let me go down this wrong path for so long knowing how much it would hurt me and my family, and knowing how much I would have to sacrifice for it? I feel so ashamed and tired and I just need sleep. I wish i could just go to sleep and wake up again and everything would be back to normal. I wish this was all just one big bad dream that would go away. I want things to go back to normal again. I miss my dad. I wish I could talk to him again normally without feeling scared of his words or seeing the anger or brokeness in his eyes from my bd choices. I wish I could talk to my mom freely again without her telling me how dissapointed she in in me and saying how badly i screwed up again. I just want it all to end. I wish i had a happy place that I could just go to when im feeling this way. I wish i could just go home, to heaven. There i woud be so much more happy and free. No pain or worries or sorrows, just god and happiness and love... and i would get to be with my brother again. This world is so cruel. Society is just terrible now at all. Everyone thinks they're better than everyone else. Especially at school, all the girls who are popular or somewhat cool like to put everyone else down. They like to be evil and lie and spread fake rumors and get in other peoples business. It's like wherever you go, they're there. And the guys too, oh they're even worse. They like to look at girls in a nasty way and put them down too. Everyone is so cruel. I just wish it would all go away or stop or do something.  Anything but how it is now. I have no friends now too, all the poeple who I thought were there for me, left. They were all fake. I need a fresh start. The only people i can truly talk to and rely on now are my youth group, my youth pastors, and God. And really thats all I need. And of course my parents too, but not until things will get better. I'm trying so hard to change and make things better for myself too. Ive been reading my bible and praying more and spending more time at church too. I feel god starting to move in me again. Ive deleted all my social medias and got rid of all my old friends, and stopped doing all the bad things that i was doing before. It really does feel amazing to have god back in my heart again. I may not be perfect and know that I never will be, but I feel that this is a great start.