Tired
I am so tired of feeling the way I do. I'm still grieving the loss of Max but have to start trying again because the financial package that we paid for expires next year and we still have a fresh round and a frozen round left to use. I'm grateful for that fact, but I don't feel ready. I wish this desire for a child would just go away. I need to lose weight but my motivation level is so low. I went 2 weeks eating almost perfectly and ran every day...gained 1 pound. I would love to just say fuck it and never get out of my bed but unfortunately my brain won't allow me to just forget all the bills and responsibilities that we have. I'm just struggling right now and my friends and family apparently think I'm supposed to be fine because nobody checks in with me anymore. I'm not the type of person to reach out and everyone in my life knows that. I have never felt so alone in my life. October 15th was pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day and I put a post on Facebook about it and said how I still struggle with the loss of Max every day. Still, nobody reached out. I found a support group for women who have lost babies and the first meeting is tonight so I am hopeful this will help even a little bit.
Replies
I know how you feel with not having anyone check in. I have only been grieving the loss of my brother for just over a month, and its as if no one except my family (who all live across the country from me), seem to think that I should be acting any differently. Unfortunately, I do not have any answers, and I don't have any magical words to say that will make it feel better. I hope that the new support group will help, if for nothing else than to find people to commiserate with. I saw that you joined a few other support groups on here too, and I may just follow suit.
I am looking into volunteering for an organization that promotes awareness for mental illness. I think that it will help me to be a voice for mental illness, and to get rid of the stigma, since that is essentially what killed my brother. Maybe there are organizations that promote awareness for infertility and infant loss?
I'm not really on here much anymore, but if I join some of the bereavement groups, then I may start coming on again. If not, and you ever want to reach me to chat or cry, you can find me on Facebook. I'm Heather Caballes in Denver CO