tired
i'm tired tonight. too much stuff to do even when i'm off work. i notice i think a lot which my therapist noticed too. this isn't necessarily a good thing. and i've been thinking even more since i've been off work. this thinking lately has been somewhat more constructive but then i got to thinking that, for me at least, no matter how much i plan or organize or whatever, life is never going to be that great for me. life in general isn't that great for many people. that's normal. it's just meant to be a struggle. and it made me feel weird about happiness. i'm not someone who strives for happiness anyway but it made me feel odd that some people do, that some people say they feel happy. i guess i understand superficial happiness but life just isn't such a happy thing as far as i understand it.
no, i think what i was thinking was that even if i got some of the things i wanted, like retirement, security, quiet, ... that wouldn't make me feel happy. i think life is just a big scary thing. some handle it better than others but at it's core it's a big scary untameable thing. and that's ok. but it's good for me at least to not kid myself that it will ever be otherwise.
if any of this makes sense. bleh.
distraction distraction distraction. that's where i'm headed to now.
Replies
I've had similar feelings. When things are going real well for me I tend to wonder when the bottom will fall out? I drive for a living so I get to spend many moments of a day thinking about plans, goals, needs, and wants. When I feel like I'm struggling I try to steer my life away from trouble. Life can be scary, but I can control my destiny for the most part. Interesting view point you have.
Anna, life is full of ups and downs. Right now, my life is difficult in so many areas, but I have begun the journey to have better days. It will be a slow journey, but there are the moments of good feelings. Does take action on my part. Hugs as you journey on.
It’s true, sometimes we can overthink ourselves into misery. Distraction is often my way of coping. When I feel that dreadful energy sapping, I try to keep myself busy.
It sounds like you’re making progress.
thank you guys for keeping up with me and the encouragement. that means a lot.