Time to go...
I'm feeling bittersweet this morning. My sister and I had been communicating back and forth all day yesterday about the abuse... not just my aunt's, but marriage (she had a bad one too), other family. I tried to ease it.... talked about my own rose colored glasses, how mine shattered, what I really saw afterward. I didn't think I needed to mention the pain that comes with it when the glasses break... the OMG, they DON'T love and respect me pain... I figured she'd pick at the crack herself until the glasses just broke away completely and it would slowly ease away....
But apparently not. All communication suddenly stopped. Our last communication back and forth yesterday was about how people should respect each other, and how abusive it is when they don't. And how to see the red flags and warning signs go off when our instincts tell us someone's bullshitting us, using us. She's like me where we've both turned those red flags off over the years to cope...
She got it when I talked about my X and my own monster glasses... she got it when I talked about our father and mother (she hasn't talked to Dad in 4 years).... stopped when it came to our aunt. Tried to convince me that it wasn't meant to be an insult... wasn't meant to hurt... so I asked questions... if it wasn't meant to hurt, why didn't she apologize for being insensitive to the family history we all know about? Why didn't she tell the truth instead of telling us we weren't worthy of being on? (no, I didn't say it that way) Why our Aunt just struck back when I exposed it instead of thinking about what she was saying? We hadn't seen this aunt in 35 years... I didn't think it would hurt - DUH, how stupid of me, OF COURSE it hurts that's why my aunt and I fought.... Damn it, some times I'm just way too strong. :(
I see from her FB posts that she's looking for affirmation on her own worthiness today. Respect and affirmation - She won't get it from our family. (SIGH)
So that's it... time to go. I'm taking a deep breath and stepping forward.... oh and I'm leaving a trail, just in case she wants to follow...
But apparently not. All communication suddenly stopped. Our last communication back and forth yesterday was about how people should respect each other, and how abusive it is when they don't. And how to see the red flags and warning signs go off when our instincts tell us someone's bullshitting us, using us. She's like me where we've both turned those red flags off over the years to cope...
She got it when I talked about my X and my own monster glasses... she got it when I talked about our father and mother (she hasn't talked to Dad in 4 years).... stopped when it came to our aunt. Tried to convince me that it wasn't meant to be an insult... wasn't meant to hurt... so I asked questions... if it wasn't meant to hurt, why didn't she apologize for being insensitive to the family history we all know about? Why didn't she tell the truth instead of telling us we weren't worthy of being on? (no, I didn't say it that way) Why our Aunt just struck back when I exposed it instead of thinking about what she was saying? We hadn't seen this aunt in 35 years... I didn't think it would hurt - DUH, how stupid of me, OF COURSE it hurts that's why my aunt and I fought.... Damn it, some times I'm just way too strong. :(
I see from her FB posts that she's looking for affirmation on her own worthiness today. Respect and affirmation - She won't get it from our family. (SIGH)
So that's it... time to go. I'm taking a deep breath and stepping forward.... oh and I'm leaving a trail, just in case she wants to follow...
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