Time to think about the future
Good morning journal,the time is 9:18am,I have been awake since 5:50am,except for a short catnap in my chair;our youngest dog was most insistent that I join him in the lounge as he is of the opinion that if he is awake,so should someone else be.He is the size of a small pony at present,and at just eleven months old,he has still some growing to do,but his nature is one of complete adoration for my wife and I,not to mention his two canine sisters.He is part Victorian bulldog and part rottweiler,his father being the bulldog while his mother was the most beautiful,and gentlest,rottweiler I have ever encountered.He loves everybody without exception,mailman,visitors,passers by,anyone in fact,who gets close enough to receive a "Caesar Cuddle",which is similar to being hit by an eighteen wheeler truck with the pedal to the metal I would imagine.His sheer size,unfortunately for him,scares a lot of people,but once they get to know him they are amazed at his gentleness and the enormity of his affection;he's a pussycat,and we love him very much.
Now journal,tomorrow is d day as it were,my official hearing,which I fully expect to leave from unemployed,there can be no other outcome.I can sit and feel sorry for myself,or,I can plan for the future;I choose the latter option today,tomorrow I may feel differently,but today I will be positive.I realize that I am limited now,in both mobility and strength,but I have a brain that is active and very much alive;so any future employment would have to be more mentally orientated,rather than physical.Office work perhaps?,except in that area of employment I have no skills to speak of,perhaps I could train for such a position at college,I am only fifty seven years old,I am not dead yet,I only appear so at times;and yes,I smiled when typing that last bit!:my breathing this morning is somewhat labored,and although that is a concern to me,I am able to deal with it at the moment,hopefully,as the day continues,there will be an improvement.
I have another session with John,my cognitive behavioral therapist,on January 21st,and I see my good doctor again on the 28th,where,as far as I know,he will look to change or adjust my medication yet again,following consultation with my good friend John,(remember him?),as he mentioned "upping my dose",at our first meeting.I remember with some mild amusement,how he thanked me sincerely for my openness and honesty;what the hell's the point of lying John?,I didn't say so of course,but it was one of those tongue biting moments that I have grown accustomed to experiencing over the past few months.Last evening,before I forget,I received a call from a lovely young lady called Sarah,inviting me to join her creative writing group,I said yes,thank you very much;hey,it's free and I'm a Scotsman,and as anyone who knows a Scot will tell you,if it's for nothing,we'll take it!;I must begin to factor some structure and routine into my days,it isn't good to stagnate at home,perhaps this group will be a start at least.
I also have the project I mentioned earlier in the week journal,(remember watch this space?);I have begun,at long last,to write my book.I have been promising myself for years that I would,but,as frequently happens in life,I just never got round to it,what with my singing career,children,traveling to gigs and so on and so on,it never happened.Now I have more time on my hands than have ever had,so I thought to myself,(I do that occasionally when Jeremiah doesn't interrupt),why not write that novel you've had in your head for years?;so I did,and I am,so there.Well journal,enough of my ramblings for now,thank you for your company as always,and,looking at my little mood chart fellows,I am wavering between the little yellow chap for OK,and the little green guy for good;but because I am being positive,he says rolling his eyes,I am going to throw caution to the wind,and plump for the little good guy;yes I know!,it surprised the hell out of me too!;Till tomorrow then journal,peace,hope and easy breathing go with us.
Now journal,tomorrow is d day as it were,my official hearing,which I fully expect to leave from unemployed,there can be no other outcome.I can sit and feel sorry for myself,or,I can plan for the future;I choose the latter option today,tomorrow I may feel differently,but today I will be positive.I realize that I am limited now,in both mobility and strength,but I have a brain that is active and very much alive;so any future employment would have to be more mentally orientated,rather than physical.Office work perhaps?,except in that area of employment I have no skills to speak of,perhaps I could train for such a position at college,I am only fifty seven years old,I am not dead yet,I only appear so at times;and yes,I smiled when typing that last bit!:my breathing this morning is somewhat labored,and although that is a concern to me,I am able to deal with it at the moment,hopefully,as the day continues,there will be an improvement.
I have another session with John,my cognitive behavioral therapist,on January 21st,and I see my good doctor again on the 28th,where,as far as I know,he will look to change or adjust my medication yet again,following consultation with my good friend John,(remember him?),as he mentioned "upping my dose",at our first meeting.I remember with some mild amusement,how he thanked me sincerely for my openness and honesty;what the hell's the point of lying John?,I didn't say so of course,but it was one of those tongue biting moments that I have grown accustomed to experiencing over the past few months.Last evening,before I forget,I received a call from a lovely young lady called Sarah,inviting me to join her creative writing group,I said yes,thank you very much;hey,it's free and I'm a Scotsman,and as anyone who knows a Scot will tell you,if it's for nothing,we'll take it!;I must begin to factor some structure and routine into my days,it isn't good to stagnate at home,perhaps this group will be a start at least.
I also have the project I mentioned earlier in the week journal,(remember watch this space?);I have begun,at long last,to write my book.I have been promising myself for years that I would,but,as frequently happens in life,I just never got round to it,what with my singing career,children,traveling to gigs and so on and so on,it never happened.Now I have more time on my hands than have ever had,so I thought to myself,(I do that occasionally when Jeremiah doesn't interrupt),why not write that novel you've had in your head for years?;so I did,and I am,so there.Well journal,enough of my ramblings for now,thank you for your company as always,and,looking at my little mood chart fellows,I am wavering between the little yellow chap for OK,and the little green guy for good;but because I am being positive,he says rolling his eyes,I am going to throw caution to the wind,and plump for the little good guy;yes I know!,it surprised the hell out of me too!;Till tomorrow then journal,peace,hope and easy breathing go with us.
Replies
Scott, I\'m so proud of you! Even with the probable job loss, you are upbeat, joining a creative writing group, and starting your own book. It\'s so good to hear you speak of getting out of the house and making plans for the future. Good for you!